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My last addiction

images (20)Hello all,
I dont think i have mentioned it in any of my other posts but i am a smoker, i have been trying to stop for many years, but i always seem to get stuck on about three a day. I have been smoking since i was 9, and at 12 my mother started buying them for me, mother of the year yawl. I am 29 now so i have been a smoker for 20 years. My husband though has never even took a puff off of a cigarette, and has been determined for the better part of 13 years to turn me into a non smoker. Just saying that seems so strange, me a non smoker. Smoking is the one thing that has not changed about me in 20 years, to me it just seems like me. I remember a few years back complaining to my mom that darrell (my husband) wouldnt stop fussing about me smoking, her response was, he isnt your daddy you dont have to listen to that. Now that i am not drunk or on dope, i cant believe she said that, what parent gets mad at someone who is trying to save their daughters life, Mother of the year strikes again. But I use to really love smoking, it brought me so much pleasure, and my cigarettes were always there for me when i needed a friend. But now every time i light one up the only feelings i have are guilt and fear. I know that i am doing something that will eventually kill me, i try to justify it sometimes but it doesnt work anymore. And images of my death bed flash into my head, or my children standing at my casket with their hearts broken all because i needed another cigarette. I know that this is going to be another thing i have to just quit, i am not a person who can taper off, or use a nicotine replacement, as i would just get addicted to that to. But that last step is proving to be the hardest. I have fought it for so long and i am tired. Tired of not eating whenever i want to because i know i will want a cigarette afterwards, tired of sneaking around so that my kids dont see it, and tired of being selfish knowing that with every drag i take i am one step closer to death. I yearn for the day when i will not be dependent on any kind of chemical. So i have to ask a favor of anyone who reads this, keep me in your prayers as i will be trying to quit again. And maybe within the next few weeks i will be rid of my last addiction, and be a non smoker again for the first time in 20 years. I also have to say thank you to my husband, he has been my rock through everything, and if it were not for him i would be lost. I love you babe, thanks for standing up for whats right and not wavering.

18 responses

  1. motherhendiaries

    Darling girl, I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!!!! My baby sister (well, she’s 38) just quit in January. She has a multitude of health problems, a long and complicated tale, but suffice to say that she was killing herself with this addiction. Apparently, she got really, really ill with a chest infection and was simply unable to smoke as her blood oxygen level was already dangerously low. She ended up going her first 2 weeks or so without on account of being medically unable, and then decided to just carry on. Now into her 3rd month and the whole family and I are so very proud of her. (An added benefit is that she is saving about $200 a month!!!)
    I have never been a smoker. I tried it once or twice in my teens to “fit in” but it was just never me, in part because I spent my entire childhood reeking of smoke as both my mom and step-dad were die hard smokers (they have both since quit and trips home to visit are sooooooooo much better. Plus there is the added bonus that they are both STILL ALIVE ) This was back in the days when no one understood or had verified the dangers of second hand smoke, and a passel of kids piled into the back seat of a car had no rights in the adult world about requesting a window to be cracked. It was just how it was. So many car journeys ruined by car sickness, what I did not know at the time was really carbon monoxide poisoning.
    I am not bitter about it – their flourishing adulthoods occurred at a time when, thanks to Big Tobacco, cigarettes had been advertised for their MEDICAL BENEFITS! Can you believe? And in the 60s, about 80% of Americans smoked. Now the worm has turned, but it is hell for the addict whose enforced addiction is aided by the addition of literally hundreds of chemical compounds to that tobacco to make very, very sure it is as difficult as possible to give it up. BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE!
    I applaud you for standing up and taking control of this. Your lungs will thank you. Your children will thank you. Lean on that wonderful man of yours and just DO THIS. Keep us posted… very nice blog, btw. Love the picture on this – it truly says it all. If you fancy a giggle or something light hearted, click onto my page. There is nothing heavy there at all, but maybe I can make you smile this morning along with your coffee. Come on… you can do this. We are right here with you. Mother Hen

    Liked by 1 person

    March 9, 2014 at 4:05 pm

    • Thank you so much for the encouragement. It may not seem like much but you might be surprised how much a few words can really help someone. Congrats to your sister. And i also grew up in a house that had so much smoking going on the walls were yellow instead of white. I have never smoked around my children though


      March 10, 2014 at 4:56 am

  2. Praise Jesus, and stay strong, sister!
    I also grew up with a Mom & Dad that both smoked, and it took a heart attack (not fatal) for my dad to quit. My mom never did quit. So, I started smoking when I was young. I smoked for years, and then joining the Navy did not help any. I have quit smoking several times, once for nine years, and then started up again (???) and quit again. The first time I quit I was in alcohol rehab in the Navy, and we had to run 3 miles a day, so the smokes had to go! The next 2 times I quit, it was purely God that quit for me! I was smoking one day, and I just put it out,, and threw away my smokes!
    I remember God told me I would not need them anymore, so I got rid of them! It was hard for a week, but whenever I wanted a smoke, I just prayed! The final time I quit was in May 2004, and God has given me the strength to resist the temptation! Praise Jesus!!! I used to be an alcoholic,
    (2 Corinthians 5:17) but by the Grace of God, I have been sober for almost 30 years now!
    Now my “drug” of choice is Diet Pepsi, and anything chocolate…and food..
    Stay strong, depend on God and your Husband! If you want a smoke, just pray instead.
    You and God can do it
    On a lighter side, the liberals are persecuting smokers, but they want pot legalized, and tax & regulate e-cigs…..What’s up with that logic??? Lol…..


    March 17, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    • thank you for the encouragement and sharing your story. i do appreciate it. It helps sometimes just to know you have people saying you can do it.


      March 18, 2014 at 10:45 am

  3. oh and as far as the pot thing thing gos, maybe they think if they can get people high enough they will start believing that the way they do things is right. personally speaking there arent enough drugs in the world to make me go along with most of what liberals believe


    March 18, 2014 at 10:50 am

  4. 29 with a 19 year old son? Wow ….
    OK. I became addicted to chewing tobacco. all the fancy words in the world will not help.
    But, it is one day at a time, and each break from the addiction should get longer.
    You are already hours long, the next target?
    One day longer at a time.
    Soon, the stale cigarettes will not taste so good, and you will argue with your self about buying a fresh pack to go stale again.
    The addiction will never go away. But, it will fade away.


    March 21, 2014 at 3:45 pm

    • He is my step son


      March 21, 2014 at 8:40 pm

      • OK, those years fit much better.


        March 21, 2014 at 8:52 pm

      • my husband is 38 and dustin is from his first marriage, but i have helped raise him since he was 6 and his biological mother has not been involved. So even though i did not give birth to him, he is my son


        March 21, 2014 at 8:57 pm

      • As you soon as you explained it made sense. It was the first reading that surprised me.


        March 21, 2014 at 11:45 pm

      • You are the first one that has caught that though. Lol


        March 21, 2014 at 11:46 pm

      • I am weird.
        I cannot subtract. But, I automatically do math in my head …. drives me crazy.

        Liked by 1 person

        March 22, 2014 at 12:06 am

      • I am terrible at math. My son is in fourth grade and i already can’t do some of the stuff he brings home.


        March 22, 2014 at 12:08 am

      • That is ok, I cannot subtract, and I got my bachelor’s in Math.


        March 22, 2014 at 2:00 am

  5. Thank God for calculators! lol….


    March 22, 2014 at 2:34 pm

  6. As a fellow addict and alcoholic who also struggles with nicotine, you most certainly have my prayers. I choose not to quit yet because I barely have almost 4 months clean and sober, I’m hoping my lungs will hold out okay until I have a little more than a year clean before I start my cigarette battle. For now I’m just grateful I’m not smoking snorting or shooting dope anymore. Congrats on your almost 3 years and on your husband’s forgiveness of your relapse! I’m especially glad you were able to take the opportunity provided by that forgiveness and stay clean for everyone, especially yourself! Peace, sister in recovery!


    May 25, 2014 at 4:26 am

    • Thank you so much, and congratulations on your sobriety. I definitely would not try to quit smoking until you have been clean for a little longer. One thing at time.


      May 25, 2014 at 9:15 am

  7. Since you summon the courage to say it out it’s defeated already believe that.


    July 13, 2014 at 3:34 pm

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