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Archive for September, 2014

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Vulnerable

Me

Me

My little ones

My little ones

We are all sensitive about something, and with me i am the most sensitive about my ability to be a good mother, it is one of my biggest fears that my children will grow up and feel the same about me as i do my mother. My mother was never there for me, i remember one specific incident where i had not seen or talked to my mother for a couple months, and i would call her house and cry and plead with her to answer the phone. I missed my mom so much, i would talk and beg on her answering machine until it cut me off. well one day my grandmother(my moms mom) kept me over night because my dad had to work, and when she heard me talking and crying she was furious. so she put me in the car and drove me to my moms house. when we got there she told my mom she was going to spend some time with me whether she wanted to or not. so we all drove to the park, and my mother would not even look at me, she sat on the opposite side of the bench, and the whole time we were there she only said three words to me, it was when we were about to leave, i said i love you mom and i tried to give her a kiss, she finally spoke and said dont touch me, and then she got up and walked away. I was 8 years old.
This was nowhere near the worst thing my mother ever did to me over the years, but it stood out to me. i suppose because it was the first time i had my heart broken. So i am very careful what i say to my children and how i act at all times. I never want them to feel the way i did that day, i am always kissing and hugging my little ones and telling them how much i love them. I know it kinda irritates my 10 year old, but thats okay. so now you know my biggest area of vulnerability and why all it takes to crush me inside, is saying that i am a bad mother, or for someone to compare me to my mother.

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My Ratrod

Me painting

Me painting

Me painting

Me painting

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Zombie garage

Zombie garage


My husband and i have been working on this for a while, but it is starting to look pretty good now and the engine is running great, i cant wait to take it on a trip. My husband was in an accident with this truck, a few years ago and it was totaled, we did all of the work ourselves, im so proud 🙂


One Liner Wednesday

If the stick doesnt work try one of these

If the stick doesnt work try one of these

“Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.”

-Theodore Roosevelt

http://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/09/24/one-liner-wednesday-self-consciousness/


Child Abusers Dont Deserve Sympathy

26604066I have seen a few things lately talking about child abuse and how the abusers shouldnt be dealt with aggressively, but they need to be counseled and that they only do it because they themselves were abused.
That makes me so mad, i mean maybe they were abused but that doesn’t mean they must become abusers themselves, there is only one word that describes a parent who would harm their child, evil.
I was abused as a child in every way imaginable physically, sexually, emotionally, i went without food for days at a time and had to steal to feed my younger sister, so i know what it means to suffer, but i would never, could never hurt my children or any child, in fact because of what i went through i am very emotional about a childs feelings and well being, i have no problem at all stepping in and stopping someone even if i just think they are talking to their child inappropriately. I have never and will never stand by and do nothing if i think a child is in any danger, even if that means putting myself in danger to stop it.
People who abuse their children do not need to be counseled they need to be put in prison for life and have the other inmates treat them the way they treated their kids. Being abused as a child is not an excuse to grow up and abuse your children. But anyway that was a little venting on my part but please if you suspect any child is being harmed dont just let it go, make a difference call the police, do something. If you think something bad is happening to a child and do nothing, then you are just as guilty as the abuser. No child deserves to be hurt or forced to live in fear, and we have a responsibility to make sure they aren’t.


Sisterhood Of The World Bloggers Award

sisterhood1Hey everybody i hope you are all doing well, i was pleasantly surprised this evening when I was nominated for the sisterhood of the world bloggers award by Laura over at http://beginninglifeat43.com/, thanks so much dear that was very sweet. Those of you who do not already follow her should definitely do so, she is a very honest and inspiring woman.

Now as with other awards there are a few rules that come with accepting this award

1. Thank the blogger who nominated you and link back to their site
2. Display the award logo on your blog
3. Answer the ten questions i ask you
4. Come up with ten new questions for your nominees to answer
5. Nominate ten others for this award

Lauras questions for me were

1. What does sisterhood mean to you, and have you always felt it?
In all honesty sisterhood does not mean that much to me anymore, i have 2 sisters and we used to be very close but we havent spoke in over 3 years now. I am surrounded by my sons and my husband and i am very happy about it.

2. Why do you blog, and what message is your blog trying to send?
I started blogging to help others who suffer with addiction, but it has became an escape for me, a place to be myself and get things off my chest, it has became my refuge.

3. If you could offer me any advice, on my blog, or my message what would it be? (Please be honest, truly).
Continue to be honest and change nothing your blog is great.

4. What is one piece of advice you would give yourself if you could go back in time?
I would tell my self many things not to trust so easily, never pick up a bottle whether alcoholic or prescription, and not to listen to my family because i am worth something whether they believe it or not.

5. Are you happy? If not, do you know why? Or, what does happy mean to you?
Yes i am very happy, i have had the happiest days of my life in the past 3 years since i got sober, and that is what happiness means to me, being surrounded by those you love most and being able to make them happy, being able to make their lives better.

6. What do you do when you aren’t blogging?
Taking care of my little ones or occasionally getting lost in one of my new dramas on television.

7. What are your dreams for your future?
To raise my children to be good, happy, and stable men, and for my husband and i to one day be able to take that trip to Ireland.

8. What makes you unique?
I dont know that i am all that unique, but if i were to pick something that might make me unique it would be my ability to persevere and my very strange love for all things zombie.

9. What is one thing you think would make the world a better place?
This is a tough one and if asked 20 years ago my answer would have been different, but now i think the best answer is strength. People use to be much stronger and could handle much more, but so many people now just give up or quit when things get hard, it is no longer being taught that strength is just as important as all of the other things. Strength is a very important key to life and survival.

10. What would your Apocalypse look like, and who and what role would you play in it?
Zombies of course, and i would be the one who saves everyone from the zombies and themselves.

My nominees are

1. http://hbb5212.wordpress.com/
2. http://diapersandtutus.wordpress.com/
3. http://thegraniteflower.wordpress.com/
4. http://motherhendiaries.com/
5. http://storiesofourboys.com/
6. http://frillthrills.wordpress.com/
7. http://idiotwriting.wordpress.com/
8. http://lorriebowden.wordpress.com/
9. http://insanitybytes2.wordpress.com/
10. http://mentalinthemidwest.wordpress.com/

Your questions are

1. What do you think is your best quality?
2. What is your biggest regret?
3. Name someone you have looked up to in life, and tell us why.
4. If you had to choose between being a cop or a doctor which would you choose and why?
5. Have you ever been in a fight, if so what was it over?
6. If you could meet one person alive or passed on who would it be, and why?
7. Have you ever had a near death experience?
8. Have you ever experienced a miracle, if so what was it?
9. What is your favorite show or movie?
10. Do you think a person can ever truly change or not?

Again thanks so much laura for nominating me, this was fun. If you dont know these awesome bloggers you should check them out, they do not disappoint.


Be back soon

I have been in a bit of a blah mood when it comes to blogging here lately, i guess im a little burnt out and i doubt you want to hear about my new obsession with the Show Sons of Anarchy, so im drawing a blank at the moment, my apologies. Hopefully things will get back to normal soon. Until then i hope you are all doing well, and talk to ya later.


Drug addicts want Drugs!

images (51)download (24)It has recently came to my attention that Pulaski va which is where i live, has allowed a methadone clinic to move in. I was really saddened to learn this, because methadone is a very dangerous drug. Methadone is a synthetic opioid that is most commonly used in the so called treatment of opioid dependancy, which if it did cure drug addiction that would be great, but it doesnt you merely trade in one drug for another. I myself am a recovering drug addict, I have been clean for two years and six months, and I use to know a lot of people that went to the methadone clinic in Galax va, all of them went for pill addiction and none of them had any interest in getting clean. Now even when i was using drugs i thought the concept of this was crazy. These people supposedly stopped using pills and started using methadone, and this is an improvement how? methadone has many of the same effects as heroin and morphin and it is even more deadly. Methadone alone kills at least 10 people every single day and in a years time will claim the lives of 5,000 people. That is more than any other presciption drug out there. So this supposed treatment is more dangerous than the drugs it claims to save you from. If you take someone who is addicted to pills and give them a drug that is much more addictive, much stronger, and much more dangerous where is the intelligence in that? Any good rehab will tell you that you can not trade one drug for another, its not just the drug use you have to change, but your whole way of thinking, that is if you want to be successful in freeing yourself from addiction. The only thing that works is dedication and seperating yourself from the people, places, and things that you associate with drugs. Drug addicts want drugs, so as long as the clinics are dishing it out, there will be people accepting it. But at what cost? Now my question is why, why is the government allowing these deadly drugs to be given to drug addicts? and why are we the people not doing anything to stop it?


Life through the lens – What i see when i hear the word pain

This weeks Life through the lens challenge is pain, so i chose the two things that have been responsible for 90 percent of the pain i have had in my life, whether that be me using these items, me trying not to use these items or other loved ones and family members who do. They come with a promise of peace and bring nothing but pain for the user and the surrounding people. SketchGuru_20140904110351

https://mommyx4boys.wordpress.com/2014/09/02/life-through-the-lens-challenge-3/


One Liner Wednesday

131 Dont be so worried about making mistakes, because a person who has made no mistakes, is a person who has made nothing else either.

http://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/09/03/one-liner-wednesday-whats-holding-you-back/


Life Through The Lens Challenge

This weeks life through the lens challenge is Pain.
Display a photo that you have taken or a drawing that you did, which illustrates what Pain looks like to you.
This theme will be open to submissions until next tuesday September 9th, at which point it will close and a new theme will begin. When you are done with your post just do a pingback to here and at the end of every theme i will list all who participated.
This past weeks life through the lens challenge was Love, I want to say thank you to http://motherhendiaries.com/ and http://mentalinthemidwest.wordpress.com/ for participating.

http://mentalinthemidwest.wordpress.com/2014/08/26/creative-bits/

http://motherhendiaries.com/2014/08/27/life-through-the-lens-love/

https://mommyx4boys.wordpress.com/2014/08/29/life-through-the-lens-challenge-my-vision-of-love/