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Archive for November, 2014

Thanksgiving at my house

Happy thanksgiving everybody, i hope it was a great one for you.
I thought i would give you a glimpse of what my day looked like,
I got up at 5:30 and started cooking, we had turkey, ham, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, deviled eggs, stuffing with chicken livers, corn casserole, green bean casserole, stuffed peppers, pumpkin pie, and cranberry sauce.
It has been a long crazy hectic day, but a great one. Here are some pics.

I love my tree

I love my tree

Turkey with some cranberies

Turkey with some cranberies

Dominik and Donnie sitting on Dj

Dominik and Donnie sitting on Dj

Dustin squashing Dj

Dustin squashing Dj

This is  Kayla, ( Dustins girlfriend ) sitting with Dominik and Donnie

This is Kayla, ( Dustins girlfriend ) sitting with Dominik and Donnie

And Dustin squashing Dj again

And Dustin squashing Dj again

A little of the aftermath

A little of the aftermath

DEATH IS SOLD HERE: Breakdown of ACTUAL Black Deaths in Missouri; Before & After Michael Brown

I was going to write a post very similar to this one later, but you put it very well. Great post

Today, my native city of St. Louis is under siege; one black man was shot dead by a police officer because he feared for his own life while on duty. The people of Ferguson and surrounding municipalities including St. Louis are looting, setting fires, rolling cars, etc., because of one person….ONE.

Since the day that Michael Brown died [Aug 9, 2014], another 981 Black Missourians have died; 9 per day, every day since then. These Black Missourians were unarmed, innocent, and had no ability to defend themselves and died in plain sight. But there is no outrage, no riots, not one protest.

So, while these rioters are trying to destroy my native city of St. Louis because of the death of ONE Black man, the rioters overlook the fact that just a couple of miles away at Planned Parenthood on Forest Park Avenue, another 109 Black babies have died since…

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Ferguson case

I am curious to hear everyones thoughts on the outcome of this case, do you think justice was served or not?

An Addicts plea

Me a couple years ago.

Me a couple years ago.

I am so sorry for the things i have done, if i could go back not only would i go, i would run.
But retain my memories i would, so i remember what not to do and what i should.
I wish i had always been the person that i am now, but i couldnt back then i didnt know how.
The lies i told i can not count, i wonder will my loved ones always doubt?
So i ask of you this, see me as i am, really see, im not the same as i used to be.

Lost childhood



Lost childhood, this is something i think about quite frequently. Things like where would i be now if i had not wasted so much of my time drinking and doing drugs. you see i started drinking at a very early age. My wonderful mother let me get drunk for the first time at the ripe age of 9. And i loved how it made me feel, from that point on i gradually got worse, and by the age of 15 i had graduated alcoholics anonymous. by the way my mom helped me realize it didnt matter what i did the rest of the week as long as i wasnt drinking the day of my meetings, and that is how i graduated aa. It was a big joke in my family, i was diana their little alcoholic, no kidding that is what they called me, funny huh. I thought it was cool at the time. i never would have thought it would almost cost me my family and my life down the road. So those issues plus developing an addiction to pain pills a couple years after our 10 year old son was born, that equals a lot of wasted time, and missed opportunities. I never got to go to a school dance or prom, never got my license, never had a sweet sixteen party, and never graduated high school. and its not just the missed opportunities that bother me, but also that i thought all of it was normal. All the stupid stuff i saw my parents do, and the things i grew up with seemed normal to me. It wasnt until i met my husband that someone finally told me, hey that is really messed up. i just wish i had listened to him from the beginning, but i didnt i thought he was trying to control me. That was something my mother always used to say, men are only interested in 2 things sex, and controlling you. A part of me wishes i could go back in time and change these things. But the other part of me realizes that i would not be who i am now if i did that. And even though i may not be special or extraordinary by anybody elses standards, for the first time in my life i am very satisfied with myself.

Where My Peeps at? Again

abduction12-300x236images (46)
Okay so im just wondering, am i like one of the last few people left on wordpress or what, cause there hasnt been hardly any posting or commenting going on lately. Here are some of my theories as to what may have happened.

1. There was an alien abduction that i am unaware of, and they left me because they only wanted intelligent life.

2. Maybe there is a strange smell coming from my blog that is keeping people away, totally explainable by the way.

3. Perhaps people were afraid of being urinated on after reading my most embarrassing challenge post, I dont drink anymore so its safe.

4. Maybe you could hear my kids screaming and fighting through the computer screen and you were afraid i would ask you to babysit. I wont, unless i get really mad at you.

5. Did you grow tired of hearing about my love for all things zombie? Its totally not my fault it is a disease.

6. Maybe ethyl has been spreading rumors again, dont listen to her she is a filthy liar, i dont have cuties.

It could be either one of these, but I need to know, Where are my peeps at? 😉

I am Thankful

20141026_074131I have so much to be thankful for in my life, and looking back on some of the things i did in the past, i have no idea what i did to deserve the life that i have now but i am so grateful for it.

I am thankful to have one very special man, the man who literally made all of my dreams come true, the man who saved me from myself, and the man who makes me complete, the man who makes me a better me, i am thankful for my husband Darrell.P07-07-11_07-39[1] (1) I love you babe and i cant express with words how thankful i am that you are the one i get to spend the rest of my life with.

I am thankful for my children, Dustin,019 Dj,20140707_202328-1 Dominik,



and Donnie20141024_202259-1-1, they are the best kids that a parent could ever ask for, each one of them so special and wonderful in their own way.
I am thankful for my sobriety, i have been clean and sober for 3 years, 3 months, and 21 days, without my sobriety i would have nothing, i would not even have myself.

I am thankful that my father who i thought i had lost to alcohol, has stopped drinking and he has been sober for 1 week and 3 days, i am so very proud of him.

my dad and me

my dad and me

And in addition to all of things i already mentioned we have finally gotten settled in our beautiful new house.
I cant imagine a life that is any better than the one i have right now. I am thankful.

My Opinion on Food Stamps

Okay so earlier i asked a question about whether or not you all think that food stamps are given out to often, and to too many people who dont necessarily need them. Here is what i think.
My family has used food stamps before and i am not ashamed of it at all. My husband was working 2 jobs at the time and we were still having a hard time making ends meet, so we got some (temporary) help.
Here is the thing food stamps are supposed to be for families who are temporarily going through financial struggles, not for people who just dont wanna pay for their groceries, or for a permanent fix. It is very frustrating to see people that my husband and i actually know who are more than able to work but instead they get on food stamps, get government housing, and they have nicer things then we do.
The government is making it very easy and very appealing to simply live on welfare. The next time you drive by some low income apartments look at the vehicles in the parking lot, most of them are nicer than the cars that my husband and i have.If someone needs help there is nothing wrong with asking for it and accepting it, but i dont think it is okay to live off of the government and not at least try to help yourself.
Where i live there is a church that offers hot meals to the poor, and every single day there is a line of people going all the way down the road, at least half of which are people my husband knows very well, and they are more than capable of working, they just dont. Now there is just no excuse for that, and that is why so many people look down on those who receive anything through welfare, because of people who just wanna take and take and never provide for themselves. So i think people should be screened better and only receive help for 1 year unless they are taking steps to provide better for themselves, for example if someone wants to go to college to get a better job than great, they should be able to finish school and get a job before their benefits stop. In other words if its clear someone is trying to improve their situation the government should help them, but no one should expect to live off of the government forever.

Side note – thankyou to those who left comments on my earlier post, i was not ignoring my comments but it was all leading up to this post.

Opinion’s on Food Stamps

images (54)Hey everyone,
today i have a specific question on my mind so i thought i would post it and see what kind of responses i get.
When it comes to the welfare program, do you feel that food stamps are given out to to many people, who dont necessarily need them? I would love to hear your thoughts on the matter.


What I am about to talk about is in no way an effort to condemn anyone who may have had this procedure done. It is however an effort to convince women not to do it in the future . The topic I want to discuss today is one of great controversy, Abortion! Abortion is one of the most highly debated issues all over the world. Because it involves 2 people physically and many more emotionally. So i want to take a little time to tell you what i think about some of the most commonly made statements. One of the most common opinions is that the woman who is pregnant has the right to do whatever she wants because it is her body. I say that is a load of crap! Because while the child is inside her body tdonniehe baby itself is not a part of her, but rather a living part of her and the babies father, and that is the part she wants to kill not herself but another living being. And I’m sure that right now there arw a lot of pro choice people screaming at their computer screen saying, its not living its just a fetus. Well you can call it a tomato for all i care the fact remains that a babies heart starts beating. within 4 weeks after the mothers last. menstrual period, and if it has a heartbeat then it is alive. now what is it called when someone kills another living person, no matter what age they are? Murder! So why is it okay for a mother to murder her unsuspecting, innocent baby? Now lets talk about the cruelty comments . I have heard several people say it is cruel to force a woman to have a baby she doesn’t want, I have a different opinion here as well. These days there is more then enough knowledge about pregnancy prevention floating around, so that no one should be ignorant about it anymore. and if you’re not smart enough to take these preventative measures then you shouldn’t be having sex in the first place. Think abput this if a person go’s out and commits a crime they get put in jail, right. Well it could be looked at as cruel to put a person in a cage, and force them to stay there, away from their family and against their will. Does this mean we should open the door and let them go home? No, of course not. They did something and now have to suffer the consequences. The same can be said with accidental pregnancy you know it is a possibility that yoy could get pregnant, so if you can not handle the consequences of your actions then don’t do the act. Now this brings up the question what if she didn’t do the act? What if she was raped? While i can definitely understand a woman not wanting to have a baby that was conceived by rape, i still do not agree with abortion. There are other options, like the morning after pill that can be used up to 5 days after unprotected sex to prevent pregnancy. Notice i said prevent pregnancy. Many people think that the morning after pill is like an abortion that you swallow. This is completely untrue. It actually does nothing to a baby but prevents ovulation so that a baby is never conceived. Okay as with just about everything else in this world their are a few exceptions to my thoughts on abortion. Numer 1. If there is a real life or death situation and the mothers life can not be saved without terminating the pregnancy, number 2. Incest for obvious reasons both physical and emotional, but mainly the physical state of the child, and 3rd. In cases where the baby has no brain activity or would just barely be able to suffer through life. Cases like these should be the only reason that an abortion is ever performed. Not because a baby would be an inconvenience or make you uncomfortable. That is just heartbreaking, if you don’t want a baby, then give the child up for adoption. There are so many people in this world unable to have children. Don’t kill the blessing you have received but if you’re not ready for it then pass the blessing on to someone who will treasure it. So in conclusion please women don’t allow yourself to be blinded by what society considers okay, abortion most certainly is not okay. I truly hope this helps someone, if it prevents just one abortion then it was more than worth it. Thanks for reading


SANYO DIGITAL CAMERA114OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA1391002644761106084I know that to most people my life would not be considered special, I dont have a high paying job, i dont save lives, im not a wonderful artist, and i have only visited three other states in my whole life. But every day i wake up to my family who needs me, that is something i have never felt before, to be needed. It is a great feeling.
In the past few years i have completely devoted myself to my family, and the satisfaction i feel every night when i go to sleep is amazing.
Back when i was doing drugs i still did some of the stuff i do now. I fed my children, and straightened up the house some, but my heart wasn’t in it, and everyone paid the price. I think that is why i appreciate everything so much more now, there is a huge differance in the way i think about things now and the way i thought about things then. I am invested now, with my whole heart and all my time and energy.
My son knows that when he comes home from school i will be here cooking dinner and cleaning the house, that makes me feel good.
When i was young i didnt have that feeling of comfort coming home from school, i was always scared to go through my front door, because my mother left my father for an alcoholic who beat her. I was so scared that one day i would come home and instead of finding her beat up she would dead, either by his hands or her own , as she had sliced her wrists down to the bone just a couple years prior. I dont even talk to my mother anymore, but i still have nightmares about that. And knowing that my children will never go through that, that they will never feel that sense of dread coming home, makes me very happy. And this is a kind of happiness i have never experienced until now, its happiness that comes from a good place not a pill bottle or a twelve pack.
I know i dont have a huge house, or a lot of money, and i doubt i will ever be able to go to Ireland like i want to, But their are 5 people whos lives i change positively every day. Its funny you hear so many people say dont tell me im a bad parent, i would die for my kids. which is fine but can you do the harder job and live for them. To die for someone you love is easy, but can you devote yourself to them and really love them more than you love yourself, I can and I do, and I now realize that everything i have is a blessing. my children, my husband, my home, and my sobriety. so today i will not change the world, but what i do keeps four children, and one great man happy and knowing that they are loved. And guess what that makes me pretty special.

Craving Normal

yesterday was such an awesome day. Yesterday i did something that filled me with so much joy that its hard to explain. Are you ready for this ? Yesterday i painted my deck. I know, probably not what you expected me to say. And no i wasnt being sarcastic at all. A few years ago i couldnt have cared less about something like this. I was much to concerned with finding another percocet, or a beer. But now i care about these kinds of things, doing stuff like mowing or gardening, i dont know it just reminds me of things i have only seen in movies. You know the kind, great neighborhood, well manicured lawns, and loving families, where you just know that the biggest problem they have is that someone elses dog went dookie on their lawn. It made me feel normal, to be painting the deck while my husband was building furniture in the yard. I have found that i crave moments like this, just as much as i use to crave a cold beer or another pill. At one point yesterday i looked up to the beautiful blue cloudless sky, and just said thank you Lord, thankyou for giving me the wisdom to appreciate this. Its nice to be able to really enjoy all the little things in life and just feel normal.OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

One Liner Wednesday – The secret of life

DIGITAL CAMERALaugh when you can,
love with all your might,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you cant change.

Trying to make things right

If i let you see who i really am would you try to understand, if i let you see who i really am would you go or would you stand?
If i let you see who i really am would you like me none the less, if i let you see who i really am would you say im just a mess?
I show you who i really am and never waver on whats right, and though my faith may be shaken at times, i will continue to fight.
This is me who i really am, just trying to make things right.

Clean and Sober

20140727_121243Hey everybody,
I am so Happy today, because on this day ( July 27th ) three years ago i drank my last beer, woot woot so awesome.I cant believe it has been three years, I never thought i could go longer than 9 months for a pregnancy.
On this day 3 years ago Darrell was considering not marrying me, because he came home and i was drunk and our kids were with me. Everyone told him to leave me alone, they said she will never change, and our wedding was supposed to be in three days. Thank God he didnt listen to everyone else cause i did change, BAMM WHAT Lol.
I wish i could get the word out to every addict and alcoholic in the world, that life is so much better when you’re clean. It has been 3 years since i drank any alcohol, and it has been more than 3 years since i abused pills. The last time i took any medication was right after my c-section 2 1/2 years ago, and even then i had my husband hold them and give them to me as prescribed, i was new in recovery and worried i wouldnt be able to take them like i was supposed to. I owe so much to my wonderful husband for helping to get me clean and in the beginning helping me to stay clean. Now there is nothing in this world that could ever make me wanna pick up that bottle again, i love that i finally know who i am. I never did before, alcohol was the very definition of me thats what others saw and its what i thought of myself, but now i really have a self. Its like spending more than half of your life without a soul and then you get clean and discover that it was there all along but it was being covered by your addictions. I am so thankful for my sobriety, my husband, my children, my life. I know that most of you all dont really know how bad i use to be but i was bad, at my worst point i weighed about 100 pounds, i never ate, and i could drink a couple bottles of liquor plus a 12 pack and walk just fine, pill wise it was to the point where i could take or snort 5 or 6 and not feel a thing except nautious. Doctors said my liver was in bad shape, and i didnt care.
But now i am in great health, my family is doing better than ever, and i truly love and enjoy everything about my life. Thanks to all of my wonderful new friends here on wordpress, you have helped me a lot on my journey, and i really appreciate all the support and love you have sent my way.

This post is dedicated To my wonderful husband, thank you so much babe i wouldnt be here without you, i love you so much and i am so very blessed to have you in my life, there isnt a man on this earth that could ever compare to you in my eyes.

My Butterfinger cake is yummolicious

20140605_112007 The most popular dessert i make is my special butterfinger cake, people always request it for special occasions, and its pretty simple to make so i thought i would share it with yawl. Just dont tell anybody my recipe, lol. I hope you enjoy it as much as my family and friends do.

You will need

1 box of triple chocolate fudge cake mix

1 20 ounce bottle of caramel syrup

3 large eggs

1/2 a cup vegetable oil

1 1/4 cups water

1 11.5 ounce bag of fun size butterfingers

The first thing you need to do is prepare your cake mix, im not gonna explain all that cause the directions are on the back of the box so.. anyway after that is all mixed together you will need to smash up 5 butterfinger bars and add them to the mix, (to smash up your butterfingers the best thing to use is a potato masher) then put in the oven and bake on 350 for 20 – 30 minutes depending on your oven. When cake is done allow it to cool for about 45 minutes before topping is added. While your cake is cooling smash up about 15 butterfingers and set aside. Once your cake has cooled pour your caramel in a zig zag pattern on your cake like this.20140605_110758 Then apply some of your butterfinger crumbs, make sure you cover all of the caramel like this. 20140605_111215 After that just repeat the zig zag pattern with caramel, then coat with butterfinger again, then one more coat of caramel. This is what it should like like when done. 20140605_111811. Then just cut you a big ole piece of awesomeness and enjoy.

Poem from a recovering addict

images (37)images (36)I write of my life in hopes it may,

help someone, somehow, somewhere, some day,.

The truth sometimes hard to tell,

but to see the way, you must lift the vail.

So i tell my stories and let you in,

so you’ll know who i am and where i’ve been.

Read my words and learn from my error’s,

addiction is powerful, and creates many terrors.

Life is hard, of this there is no doubt,

but alcohol and drugs lead down the wrong route.

This is my message, take from it what you will,

but i speak the truth, i’ve lived it, i am the real deal.

housewives and mothers be proud

images (1)images (2)Before i get started let me just say this is in no way putting down working women if a woman wants to work or has to work then that is what they should do. Now lets get started. I am wondering why so many women are ashamed of the roles that they use to take so much pride in. years ago a woman was proud to say I am a housewife and mother and i am very good at it. Now however if you say i am a houswife and mother a man may look at you with admiration , while a working women will often look at you like you just said hi i am a failure. why do women no longer take pride in staying home to take care of their family? And why are the women that do being devalued by working women? Someone in my family once asked me what i wanted to do with my life, and when i said i wanted to be a housewife and a mother her response kind of shocked me, she said so you wanna lay on your back get knocked up and take it easy. she made it sound as though i had said i wanted to be a prostitute. Now obviously this person was just trying to be hurtful but why? It was like she got offended because i wanted to have a family and stay home to focus on them. And there was the ignorance of saying raising a family is easy. I have worked regular jobs in the past and i promise you to be a good wife and mother is unbelievably harder than going to work. When you take on the job of a stay at home wife and mother you are on call 24/7. If your baby needs a clean diaper you can’t say I’m calling in sick, if your child is hungry you can’t use one of your vacation days. These things don’t exist when you are a homemaker. Working women and anyone else who thinks this is an easy job, just don’t understand how much pressure it is to know that who these little people become is entirely up to you. What and how you teach them determines wether they will be doctors, lawyers, drug addicts or serial killers, to have people that depend on you completely just to stay alive is a huge job. In my opinion one that should be treated with the utmost respect. Someone who devotes their whole life to making sure that the future of our country is raised right with morals and integrity, should be looked up to not looked down on. Well i have told you how hard this job is but let me also say it is incredibly rewarding, to watch your children grow and see that they are good people because you have done your job right. I wouldn’t trade my job for any other in the world. so now you know my opinion you can let me know if you agree or disagree in the comments section. thanks for reading.

Feminism Ridiculousness at its best

anger-enjoyimages (22)I am seriously annoyed with some of the women in this country, it seems like no one understands what is important anymore. everywhere i look there are more women complaining. MY daughter likes pink and it bothers me, i am a woman and i deserve more rights, i am a woman so i should be able to murder my baby without judgment. These kinds of topics are all over the televisions newspapers and internet. So Here are some solutions. #1. Pink is a color if a color has the power to bother you that much you are a very shallow person and you need something more to fill up your day, just be happy that you have a daughter, mine is no longer with me. #2. Women have the same rights as men in this country stop whining, you have made it, you are there, you are equal, actually that last one is not true women now have more rights than men do.#3. If you do something evil and gross people are going to think of you differently.
I recently saw a post on wordpess that was talking about how a woman had used crack while she was pregnant and the baby died, she was charged with depraved heart murder. anyway long story short the person who wrote this post was like so happy because this woman got by with murder,she was saying thank you to this woman like she had just saved a baby from a burning building rather than the fact that she just killed her own, it actually made me sick to my stomach, and she was quite furious with me for saying the situation was disgusting. Then proceeded to inform me how breeders like me make her sick and that my boys should be taught respect, or they would end up dead or in prison with the other rapists and murderers. Now i was trying to hold back my anger until then but that comment was the last straw. For one thing I teach my children to respect those who deserve their respect, and to leave the trashy ones alone altogether, but it wasnt that she tried to make it personal that really bothered me, it was that this is a commen attitude towards boys and men now, and that makes me so sad for my sons. But i will try my hardest to raise my children right and teach them never to take crap from a woman just because she is a woman. And i can speak up and say women stop acting stupid try to remember what is important in life. I know its been a long time since most of you have done that ( if ever) but please try. Now dont get me wrong i know there are still some good women out there, but man its getting bad, i would say maybe 4 out of every 10 women are actually good moral women. How has it gotten this far? how have women, the ones who were once thought of as the most moral and nurturing, turned into this. I dont know, but it really is a sad situation.

Fall time fun

We went out and played in the leaves today, it was awesome.
Then Dominik and dj helped me rake and bag em up, I love my life.





Drop The Excuses, From an Addict

th (11)20140628_135531Let me start by saying that i know a lot of people will not like this post,but oh well it really needs to be said. anyone who has read much of my blog, knows that i am a recovering drug addict and alcoholic, you would also know that i do not say things like well i had a disease so its not my fault. But i have seen more and more people here lately, who dont take responsibility for their own actions because addiction has been labeled a disease, which is not something i agree with.
A disease in my mind is not something that you have the power to control, for example cancer. you can not wake up and say i dont want to have cancer any more, i am sick of this disease and then poof you dont have cancer anymore, but you can do that with addiction. people seldom do, but it can be done. people (especially addicts) use anything they can as an excuse. and because people call addiction a disease that gives the addict a (its not my fault card). I remember when i had just gotten sober, i had 28 days clean, that night i went to an aa meeting which went well, until i heard someone say if you relapse its okay, it happens to all of us. BOOM there it was my excuse to use, the next day i was drunk. it devastated my husband and family, and as if that wasnt bad enough i did this 3 days before my wedding day. I thank God every day that my husband didnt listen to all the people who said i would never change, and that he had the courage to marry me. and i think it is safe to say that anyone who had their doubts about me at that time is now very glad that darrell and i got married. anyway my point is i saw an excuse and i used it. I think that all of the labels we put on things now really does more harm than good, because once something has a name it is considered wrong to say anything bad about the person behind the label. So if i were to tell another addict they are selfish, inconsiderate, and that they are the one to blame for their problems, people would come from every direction to tell me how i dont know what im talking about, and that it is not their fault it is the disease. Sometimes in life you have to admit that you are the one to blame and that you are the only one who can fix the problems that you created. I will leave you with one of the best pieces of advice i have ever received, when i quit using my husband looked at me and said always be true to yourself, because if you are true to yourself, let go of the excuses, and stop trying to put the blame somewhere else it makes messing up a lot harder.

Subjectivity and Why Racism Is Not over

Great post

One Gentleman's Perspective

Young Black men undergo appalling acts throughout the day, proving that racism is everywhere, and occurring at all times. Racism occurs all day, every day and from everyone, against those within the Black population.

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