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Craving Normal

yesterday was such an awesome day. Yesterday i did something that filled me with so much joy that its hard to explain. Are you ready for this ? Yesterday i painted my deck. I know, probably not what you expected me to say. And no i wasnt being sarcastic at all. A few years ago i couldnt have cared less about something like this. I was much to concerned with finding another percocet, or a beer. But now i care about these kinds of things, doing stuff like mowing or gardening, i dont know it just reminds me of things i have only seen in movies. You know the kind, great neighborhood, well manicured lawns, and loving families, where you just know that the biggest problem they have is that someone elses dog went dookie on their lawn. It made me feel normal, to be painting the deck while my husband was building furniture in the yard. I have found that i crave moments like this, just as much as i use to crave a cold beer or another pill. At one point yesterday i looked up to the beautiful blue cloudless sky, and just said thank you Lord, thankyou for giving me the wisdom to appreciate this. Its nice to be able to really enjoy all the little things in life and just feel normal.OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA


24 responses

  1. Love this! Exactly how I feel in those simple moments. Such a gift. The deck looks great! We are getting ready to do ours too!


    March 23, 2014 at 9:31 am

  2. Looks amazing! Great job!


    March 23, 2014 at 7:04 pm

  3. How fantastic! Hopefully, you weren’t sniffing the varnish to get high… I mean, why would you need to do that when you’ve got a religion to use as a weapon and to disguise the fact that your life is/was a bit questionable.
    No matter what appalling existence you had you can cling to the idea that you’re worthwhile even if you’re nothing but who you are! Deck away!


    March 24, 2014 at 9:37 am

  4. ahhh i got my first hate comment


    March 25, 2014 at 10:19 am

    • Hate comment? Why? Are you denying you’re an addict? A sinner? I thought that was implicit in your schtick.


      March 26, 2014 at 10:21 am

      • just out of curiosity other than the fact that i had the nerve to disagree with you, what exactly is it about me that you think is so terrible. have you read any of my posts. other than this one.


        March 26, 2014 at 10:41 am

      • That you labour under the delusion that you have a say in other people’s sex-lives or the contracts they sign privately. It’s imbecilic.
        It’s like someone saying “I don’t eat meat, so you can’t/shouldn’t eat meat either.”


        March 26, 2014 at 8:07 pm

      • Well for one thing i never said anything about anybody’s sex life, what i said is that know one should have the right to force a business owner to take part in something that is against their beliefs. Now hoq did you get that i was talking about someone’s sex life or anything even close to that. And no what I’m saying would be more like, i don’t eat meat so i won’t cook yours for you.


        March 26, 2014 at 9:17 pm

      • The two things are directly related. Not serving someone because they’re gay is like someone not serving you because of whatever sex you had last night.
        I’m sure your answer will be that whatever sex you had last night is no one else’s business, right? The same should apply to everyone.


        March 26, 2014 at 9:22 pm

      • Look i never said people should refuse service to someone who is gay. I thought i made that very clear, however let me say it again. People should not refuse to serve someone just because of the sexual orientation. My point was if a business owner does not want to provide a service for a specific event, ( including but not limited to gay weddings ) because said event specifically gos against their religious beliefs than they should not be forced to. Much like if someone gos into a christian bakery and says I’m having a porn party, and i want a cake made to promote it , the baker should have the right to say no. What i am talking about gos beyond gay or straight people. It is about freedom. I would think you would be for that not against it.


        March 26, 2014 at 9:55 pm

  5. Great Job- Looks nice! I wish I had a nice deck and a backyard!

    (I think it is an honor to get hate mail…You know you are right & someone else is less fortunate than you are)


    March 25, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    • This person was mad because i commented on someone else’s post and said that a business owner has the right to deny service, if the request go’s against their religious beliefs. So he started calling me a bigot and saying how stupid i was. And when i stopped responding he decided to comment on my blog.


      March 25, 2014 at 9:23 pm

      • Well, all propriety aside, you’re probably going to disappear into nothingness and I didn’t do too badly last year…. which means I remained somewhere and you’re still whatever it is you are.Sorry reality displeases you. Too many glue sniffing reminders?


        March 26, 2014 at 10:26 am

      • no actually i can never disappear, even when i am dead and gone my children who i am raising right will be in this world making a difference because of what i am teaching them right now. thanks for the comment though, i really feel like a blogger now that i have my first troll.


        March 26, 2014 at 10:34 am

  6. Okay, let’s try to get this right, I think I see common ground. So first, my apologies for being a jerk.
    I totally agree that no one should be forced to ‘go anywhere’ or participate in something they’re not comfortable with. That makes perfect sense. I think where the argument goes south is where we define participate.
    I have a business that sells products/objects. My clients’ identities should be irrelevant to me. What they do with what they buy is also not really my business. If someone wants to buy a chandelier so they can hang from it while having sex- I REALLY don’t want to know about it. That’s one thing.
    If I were asked to BE THERE while they were doing whatever they were doing, that’s a whole other story.
    The baking of a cake that’s sold in a bakery doesn’t qualify as participating in anything- as long as the baker isn’t doing anything different from what he normally does. If they want pornographic decoration on the cake, that’s another story- then he’s being asked to participate in something he’s not at ease with. If he’s just asked to write two names on the cake, that’s exactly the same thing he does all the time. There’s got to be a line of common decency where both sides have some measure of respect for each other.
    As I said before, I think a photographer (or anyone else) shouldn’t be forced to attend any event that’s not in line with their belief system, but that’s very different from refusing to sell something to someone based on their identity.


    March 26, 2014 at 11:12 pm

    • yes that is all i was was trying to say, thank you for the apology and i gladly accept.


      March 26, 2014 at 11:21 pm

  7. Oh wow. This is so lovely! I keep noticing that I have taken a real interest in making things NICE for myself. Nice new sheets, a clean room. Stuff that I couldn’t be bothered with before. Thanks for pointing me to this! XOXO


    June 6, 2014 at 10:59 am

    • sure thing, i just wanted you to see how much you will star to appreciate things once you have been clean for a while. i used to mock and make fun of people who did stuff like this now i love doing it myself. šŸ™‚


      June 6, 2014 at 11:01 am

  8. Ahhhhh……wonderful for you!!! ā¤ ā¤ ā¤


    November 13, 2014 at 12:24 pm

  9. I can very much to relate to your experience, thank you for sharing. I have been clean for almost 4 years as well, the new feelings of happiness are so much better then the fabricated induced ones! šŸ™‚


    November 13, 2014 at 12:36 pm

  10. How fun, and what a terrific job you did. It is so wonderful to be able to replace the bad, with so much good. It looks like you were having a great time!


    November 13, 2014 at 12:58 pm

  11. I LOVE your pallet furniture. Awesome job!


    November 13, 2014 at 3:40 pm

  12. You did a great job. You’ve come a long way, baby! You should be very proud of your accomplishments and ignore the ignorance of some people. Take care, my dear friend. The deck looks lovely. It is a very good feeling to be able to accomplish things like this. Keep on keepin’ on, girl. xx šŸ™‚


    November 13, 2014 at 11:00 pm

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