come check out my awesomness


SANYO DIGITAL CAMERA114OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA1391002644761106084I know that to most people my life would not be considered special, I dont have a high paying job, i dont save lives, im not a wonderful artist, and i have only visited three other states in my whole life. But every day i wake up to my family who needs me, that is something i have never felt before, to be needed. It is a great feeling.
In the past few years i have completely devoted myself to my family, and the satisfaction i feel every night when i go to sleep is amazing.
Back when i was doing drugs i still did some of the stuff i do now. I fed my children, and straightened up the house some, but my heart wasn’t in it, and everyone paid the price. I think that is why i appreciate everything so much more now, there is a huge differance in the way i think about things now and the way i thought about things then. I am invested now, with my whole heart and all my time and energy.
My son knows that when he comes home from school i will be here cooking dinner and cleaning the house, that makes me feel good.
When i was young i didnt have that feeling of comfort coming home from school, i was always scared to go through my front door, because my mother left my father for an alcoholic who beat her. I was so scared that one day i would come home and instead of finding her beat up she would dead, either by his hands or her own , as she had sliced her wrists down to the bone just a couple years prior. I dont even talk to my mother anymore, but i still have nightmares about that. And knowing that my children will never go through that, that they will never feel that sense of dread coming home, makes me very happy. And this is a kind of happiness i have never experienced until now, its happiness that comes from a good place not a pill bottle or a twelve pack.
I know i dont have a huge house, or a lot of money, and i doubt i will ever be able to go to Ireland like i want to, But their are 5 people whos lives i change positively every day. Its funny you hear so many people say dont tell me im a bad parent, i would die for my kids. which is fine but can you do the harder job and live for them. To die for someone you love is easy, but can you devote yourself to them and really love them more than you love yourself, I can and I do, and I now realize that everything i have is a blessing. my children, my husband, my home, and my sobriety. so today i will not change the world, but what i do keeps four children, and one great man happy and knowing that they are loved. And guess what that makes me pretty special.


26 responses

  1. Well let me be the first to say it….We are not what we did yesterday. We are only what we will do with tomorrow, with what we learned from yesterday! You my dear, are an inspiration. We all play with some sort of drug at some point…I mean, caffine, nicotine and alcohol are much more addictive, tolerated and accessible then any other drug on the planet, though we overlook them because we are used to seeing them! Imagine what Colorado must be going thru right now! I appluad you! I am also very impressed with a certain picture in the line up that you posted!!! Such gorgeous long hair!!!


    March 19, 2014 at 9:40 pm

  2. Thank you, and your right i mean cigarettes are so common people dont really think of it as a drug but it totally is and a very very hard drug to quit.


    March 19, 2014 at 9:49 pm

  3. motherhendiaries

    You have a beautiful family, sweet – thanks for the lovely post. There is no blessing like that of a happy family 🙂 Enjoy your day and the life you are making with them!


    March 19, 2014 at 9:53 pm

  4. Momz Happy Hour

    Shed a few tears reading this post. We all make mistakes and none of us are perfect parents. I think it takea a while for us to really get into the thought process of parents once our kids are born and growing up… I love this post and it was beautifully written, and …I’ve made mistakes so I’m not perfect, I’m not rich, I don’t have a big house or a beautiful fancy car… but ,my 3 kids and the people in my life make me feel special and are all very special to me, and sometimes – having people that need you, and love you and that you need and love in return – is better than being rich, with a big house and fancy car! 🙂
    congrats on becoming such a wonderful mother… ❤


    March 19, 2014 at 11:18 pm

    • oh thank you so much, that is very sweet and appreciated


      March 19, 2014 at 11:26 pm

      • Momz Happy Hour

        It’s true… you seem like you’ve come so far..and I’m happy for you.


        March 19, 2014 at 11:43 pm

  5. Awesomeness!


    March 21, 2014 at 12:10 pm

  6. That was an awesome post!
    Families are such a blessing. I am proud of my stay at home wife & mother of our 4 kids, and I gladly do my job to keep on allowing her to be a full time Mother! Even though my job takes me out to sea and overseas for months at a time, and I miss some important events in our kid’s lives, but then when I come home, I am off work completely. So that works out ok,
    That is awesome that you understand the blessings of Motherhood! That is far more satisfaction than can be obtained from working a day job! I know there are many “liberated feminists” that would disagree with you & I, but they will never know the joy they are missing out on.
    Please accept my thanks & praise for you making a difference for the better in the world!
    The liberals complain about how many people are in our prisons today & the crime rate and all that, but they refuse to look at the single best prevention measure to control crime and prison populations-
    The 2 Parent (MOM & DAD) Family, with the Mother being a full time Home maker IS the answer!!!
    But sadly, the natural family is an outdated concept to “modern liberated” women & men today!
    Thanks for your Awesome post & May God Bless You and your family!!!
    You are a Proverbs 31 Woman…..


    March 22, 2014 at 2:29 pm

    • ohhh thank you so much for such a wonderful compliment. im not sure i am worthy of being compared to women from the bible though.


      March 22, 2014 at 10:10 pm

  7. Such a lovely post, radiating contentment and joy. Thanks for sharing and I can’t agree more with you. I have also often heard that motherhood is the highest calling. Not many do it right but you sound like you are!


    November 14, 2014 at 7:48 pm

    • Thankyou so much, that is very sweet. 🙂


      November 14, 2014 at 8:42 pm

  8. Beautiful post! U r so inspiring 💝!


    November 14, 2014 at 7:55 pm

  9. You really are special and doing huge work that will ripple out into the community for years to come. There are amazing inter-generational changes happening there, cycles being broken, wounding being healed, and all that goodness being passed down to the next generation. Then to top it off, you blog and inspire all of us.

    Liked by 1 person

    November 14, 2014 at 8:08 pm

    • How sweet of you to say that, I hope it will inspire someone to make a change if its needed. 🙂


      November 14, 2014 at 8:45 pm

  10. I am like you in this. Every time I see my kids just being peacefully in each other’s company, I get a joy in my heart. Everything is worth that. My children really enjoy having regular days, where we don’t go anywhere other than the neighborhood park. That feeling of security is cherished in our household. Safety is a blessing, indeed.


    November 14, 2014 at 9:07 pm

    • It really is wonderful to feel secure. 🙂


      November 15, 2014 at 5:02 pm

  11. It’s beautiful – you will always have my support and respect reading your post.


    November 14, 2014 at 11:58 pm

    • thankyou so much


      November 15, 2014 at 5:03 pm

      • Thank you for your message – I wanted to make sure you were able to click on my link as well, I appreciate it!


        November 15, 2014 at 5:07 pm

  12. Every child deserves a sober parent! Your life is special to four boys and a husband. You’re shaping the minds of four young people who will be men before you know it, leaving home to make their contribution in life. Wow, can you think of any responsibility that is more meaningful! I believe you do matter to others. The lives that your four kids lead will impact the lives of many more people.


    November 15, 2014 at 2:53 am

  13. Great post 🙂 x


    November 15, 2014 at 3:50 am

  14. This post is kind of related to my post 🙂
    You have a lovely family and your kids are so sweet


    November 15, 2014 at 5:24 pm

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