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Lost childhood

me

me

Lost childhood, this is something i think about quite frequently. Things like where would i be now if i had not wasted so much of my time drinking and doing drugs. you see i started drinking at a very early age. My wonderful mother let me get drunk for the first time at the ripe age of 9. And i loved how it made me feel, from that point on i gradually got worse, and by the age of 15 i had graduated alcoholics anonymous. by the way my mom helped me realize it didnt matter what i did the rest of the week as long as i wasnt drinking the day of my meetings, and that is how i graduated aa. It was a big joke in my family, i was diana their little alcoholic, no kidding that is what they called me, funny huh. I thought it was cool at the time. i never would have thought it would almost cost me my family and my life down the road. So those issues plus developing an addiction to pain pills a couple years after our 10 year old son was born, that equals a lot of wasted time, and missed opportunities. I never got to go to a school dance or prom, never got my license, never had a sweet sixteen party, and never graduated high school. and its not just the missed opportunities that bother me, but also that i thought all of it was normal. All the stupid stuff i saw my parents do, and the things i grew up with seemed normal to me. It wasnt until i met my husband that someone finally told me, hey that is really messed up. i just wish i had listened to him from the beginning, but i didnt i thought he was trying to control me. That was something my mother always used to say, men are only interested in 2 things sex, and controlling you. A part of me wishes i could go back in time and change these things. But the other part of me realizes that i would not be who i am now if i did that. And even though i may not be special or extraordinary by anybody elses standards, for the first time in my life i am very satisfied with myself.

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8 responses

  1. I totally relate. I try to stay in the present but sometimes I can’t help but be pissed at all the things I know I would have already accomplished had my parents not screwed up my child psyche thus causing a chain reaction warped adult psyche.

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    February 28, 2014 at 10:39 pm

  2. I’ve found that the pain we endure gives us unimaginable compassion. Because you survived, you can create a different life for your children and that’s amazing. šŸ™‚ I’m glad you’re satisfied with yourself now, please keep writing!
    Wishing you the best,
    `Jae

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    June 3, 2014 at 11:14 am

    • Thank you, I agree completely, And no worries I am not going anywhere. Thanks for commenting. šŸ™‚

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      June 3, 2014 at 11:19 am

      • You’re welcome. šŸ˜€ I’ll be back.

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        June 3, 2014 at 11:21 am

  3. I can’t imagine growing up the way you did or all that you experienced, but to see that you have overcome it is both amazing and commendable!

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    November 23, 2014 at 12:13 am

  4. You are special by all standards! Anyone who goes through what you have, comes out on the other side and has learned to become a better person is special in my book! You truly had to learn how to become a better person, wife and mother and that is nothing short of amazing! Good job šŸ™‚

    Like

    November 23, 2014 at 8:04 pm

    • Thankyou so much sweetie, that means a lot to me.

      Like

      November 23, 2014 at 8:18 pm

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