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Divorce

darrell and i

darrell and i

Hello all, Im gonna ask a question and anyone who has the answer please share it with me. Okay the question is why are so many people running out to get divorced? I mean is there some kind of new club im not aware of where you can only gain membership if you have been divorced?
Now i know there are some situations where divorce is a must, like in cases of abuse, but now there are so many people ready to throw in the towel over the most stupid things, like throwing towels for example. No joke i actually new a woman who wanted a divorce because her husband kept throwing his towels on the bathroom floor.
Now the most common statement that you hear when people get divorced is, we just weren’t happy.
Well i guess they took different vows than my husband and i did, because our vows said for better or worse.
I think a big part of the problem is that most people have a very unrealistic view on what marriage is. They think after you say i do there spouse is going to always be in a great mood, always agree with them, and just generally be this little ball of sunshine. ( Anyone who is married feel free to laugh now.) Marriage is not easy, in fact it is very hard. and it seems once people realize that, they want out. Oh sure some may spend six months or even a year tying to “fix their marriage”, or at least thats what they say, but usually that just means trying to change their spouse into what you think they should be. Which doesnt work.
This is not how marriage is supposed to be though, when you get married it is supposed to be forever, not just until you feel unhappy. News flash (alert alert) nobody is happy 24/7. Marriage is hard, and sometimes stressful, but if you put in the work to make it better it is awesome. To have someone that you know without a doubt, will never leave you, even when you make a mistake or even if you act so stupid you wish you could leave yourself, you know that person will still be there and will still love you. I dont think people understand that kind of love anymore. In the old days the saying was is anything worth doing is hard, but now it would read more like this if it isn’t easy dont bother. Most people go into marriage now with it already on their mind that if they are not happy they can just get a divorce, and when you go into a marriage thinking that way you miss out on so much, because you are expecting the marriage to fail, and have already accepted it as okay, and all of this for happiness.
Its funny because i recently read an article that said that the pursuit of happiness is actually making people unhappy, and i totally agree. Everyone is expecting something huge to come along and poof you’ll be happy and they spend so much time and energy searching for that huge something that they totally miss out on all the great things that happen every day. Its true what John Lennon said ( life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.) My point in all of this is most divorces are not out of necessity but rather selfishness, and that, is very sad. If people would just stop seeking that Mythical Happiness AND truly try then many marriages and families would be saved.

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33 responses

  1. I totally agree with you! I am my wife’s husband & lover & BFF, and she is the same to me. We have been married to each other for 25 years, purely by the Grace of God, for better or worse, ’till death do us part!!! It has NOT been easy, but she is definitely worth it. The good times are good, and the bad times are bad, but that’s life. I would not trade my wife for anyone in the world! We have been through more than our share of arguments & bitterness toward each other, but I just keep on loving her, unconditionally! I agree with you that 98% of divorces today are basically for selfish reasons! There never is any guarantee that your spouse will make you happy all the time, and likewise you will not please them all the time either. We are human, we will fail each other, no one is perfect (except Jesus) and we all make mistakes! But that is not a reason to quit a marriage, not even close. D*****e is a word that needs to be removed from the vocabulary and taken off the table, because it should NOT be an option, except in cases of abuse or abandonment, and adultery. Even adultery IS survivable in a marriage…(not easy, but it can be done!!! I know first hand, I am a victim of it) No need for further details, but it can be healed…Again, not quick or easy, but it can be done. Whatever the “reason” (excuse) for adultery, it is a selfish thing to do.
    We have 3 sons and 1 daughter, and I love them all. Sure, she has gained some weight from having our 4 wonderful kids, but that’s fine with me, she is still my beautiful, sexy young bride, and I would not even consider being unfaithful to her!!!
    We both have grown closer together over the years since our wedding, and I love my wife more every day, and we couldn’t imagine life without each other…I give all the Praise & Glory to Jesus Christ, because without Jesus in the center of our marriage, it is doomed to fail!!!
    That is the real cause for many marriages that fail, without Jesus, it is just a matter of time before a husband & wife “butt heads” and “quit loving each other” JESUS IS THE GLUE THAT HOLDS A MARRIAGE TOGETHER……..Aoha

    Liked by 1 person

    February 17, 2014 at 1:26 pm

    • Thank you so much for your comment. It is a blessing to hear that there are still people out there who think of marriage the way that i do

      Liked by 1 person

      February 17, 2014 at 1:32 pm

  2. Goodness! Harsh words – but I see where you’re coming from. I agree, marriage – or any relationships; siblings, parents, whatever – take some working at and sticking power and maybe like with our consumer culture we too easily throw things away thinking a new one will be better! Not always the case, but longevity takes some self awareness and compromise! We’re about to celebrate 25 years so I should know!

    Liked by 1 person

    February 20, 2014 at 10:58 am

    • Wow 25 years That’s awesome my husband and i will be celebrating 14 years this november. It has definitely been very hard at times, but were lifers and now we really appreciate each other ( most of the time) any way congrats on 25 years and thanks for your comment i would love to have you follow my blog

      Liked by 1 person

      February 21, 2014 at 1:47 am

  3. Right there with you! We’ve been married for almost 23 years and seriously (despite a couple of bad years)…it feels like 2014 is going to be our happiest year together yet. Not cuz life is sunny and perfect, but because we are in the trenches together working toward the same goal. He makes me laugh, cry and so mad I could scream…until he gives me that crooked smile and makes me melt.
    Thanks for sharing….love your site (I finally made it after being tied up for 2 days!)
    Michelle

    Liked by 1 person

    February 21, 2014 at 2:49 am

    • thanks for your comment, it will be 14 years for my husband and i this november. and its funny because it seems as though this past year is the first time my husband and i have really managed to stay on the same page.

      Like

      February 22, 2014 at 11:52 am

      • Congrats!!! It’s been almost 23 for us. Time flies šŸ™‚

        Like

        February 22, 2014 at 11:56 am

  4. WOW just what I was looking for. Came here by searching
    for divorce

    Like

    June 11, 2014 at 11:53 pm

  5. Great post. Isn’t it the oddest thing to hear people say, “My marriage isn’t making me happy.” Bit of a joke here, but nobody ever told me marriage was about being happy. Hubby and I got married expecting to be somewhat miserable. Fortunately we’ve been pleasantly surprised šŸ˜‰

    One thing leading to so much divorce is the idea of things outside of yourself being responsible for your happiness, rather then you yourself. People go looking for external solutions to internal issues, so we tend to buy everything we can, move across the country, try new relationships, get married, get single, get divorced. Being happy however, really has to come from within, because all those other things are temporary and fleeting.

    Liked by 1 person

    December 18, 2014 at 11:56 am

    • I absolutely agree, the fact is no one can make you happy except you, everything in life is what you make it.

      Liked by 2 people

      December 18, 2014 at 11:58 am

  6. The reason is, in my experience and opinion, that people had no idea what they were getting involved in when they got married and worse, had children. You need to do extensive homework before getting married and especially before bringing children into the world who then have to live with their parents’ decisions, for good or bad. We would have far fewer damaged children, if the “adults” that had them had any clue what it takes to be married, much less raise a healthy happy productive child.

    Unless there is abuse, actual documentable actionable abuse, divorce should not be entertained.

    Like

    December 18, 2014 at 12:04 pm

  7. So glad to have read this, particularly because I nearly stressed seeing you write the word ‘divorced’ ! šŸ˜€
    Have to agree Diana –

    Like

    December 18, 2014 at 12:57 pm

    • Aww no worries I dont see any divorce in my future, its good to hear from you.

      Like

      December 18, 2014 at 1:18 pm

      • I did not think so – THAT was why it was a shock! šŸ˜‰
        Jolly good!!

        Like

        December 18, 2014 at 1:55 pm

  8. Sometimes bad things happen to good people, MX4B, and it’s not a case of not being happy and not trying.

    Like

    December 18, 2014 at 1:27 pm

    • Sometimes its not but a lot of the time it is.

      Like

      December 18, 2014 at 1:34 pm

  9. Excellent post! Marriage is a game to most people. Like you said, people go into marriage with an escape route already in their mind. That gives them no reason to even try to work things out. In a sense, they’ve already decides to leave before they’ve ever even begun. It is sad. Marriage is not easy, but it is worth it. If people could just get over the hump of learning each other and stick it out, then they would learn how precious and valuable a long-lasting marriage can be. It is so much better, easier, and safer to have someone who knows you and you them, someone who loves you and you them, than to jump around from relationship to relationship never knowing what you’ll get.

    Like

    December 18, 2014 at 2:11 pm

    • Thanks so much for commenting, I very much agree.

      Like

      December 18, 2014 at 2:35 pm

  10. A great post! My thoughts exactly! Our society in general gives up WAY too easy with EVERYTHING! We are taught it’s okay to not work for things unfortunately. Marriage is one of the hardest things I have known but also one of the most beautiful! This whole article has been my thoughts over the past year or so since I have had family and friends either go through a divorce or go through a time of separation all over selfish reasons…. no abuse involved at all. The excuses I have heard are “no one lives my life, they just don’t know”, “if they had a spouse like mine they would totally get it”… if only they realized that everyone who is married has a spouse like that, we all have to work at it!!! no one has it easy! Thanks for sharing! šŸ™‚

    Like

    December 18, 2014 at 3:00 pm

  11. You’re right no matter how perfect a marriage may look there are still things that have to be worked on and compromises made. Every marriage is give and take it cant just be take.

    Like

    December 18, 2014 at 3:22 pm

  12. I really agree with you in all your points. Many people seek divorce without reasoning their vows. I remembered a wife to one of friend’s boss who was just sharing their properties should in the case they divorce tomorrow without any form of misunderstanding. The world has not changed but we human beings has changed drastically. May the peace of God rest upon us all in the name of Jesus Christ.

    Like

    December 18, 2014 at 5:20 pm

  13. Well, I have GOT to put my 2 cents worth in on this one for sure. I am fairly recently divorced, well about 2 years but that’s still pretty close to the heart time wise. The divorce was not my idea nor did I want it. I briefly considered fighting it until I realized that doing so would just cause more unhappiness and hatred. Yep, I said hatred because in the end that’s what it turned out to be.
    As was mentioned in a couple of the comments there is a small child involved, he is 4 now but was only barely 2 when his mother “decided” that she no longer wanted to be married to me. There were numerous reasons and excuses given over the course of time but what it all boiled down to was the difference in our ages (which she was fully aware of when we got married) and the fact that she had met another man, one she supposedly dated in high school.
    To the point: Do I believe in divorce … No. Do I believe there is a place for divorce in society … Sometimes. Let me explain.
    1. If a husband is beating the shit out of a wife then a divorce should take place and the husband should spend quite a bit of time in a special little place that nobody knows about, getting the shit beat out of him on a daily basis.
    2. Infidelity – It was mentioned in a previous comment that adultery can be worked through. I don’t think it can, not completely. For me trust is the most important thing in any relationship, whether it be marriage, dating, friendship. When that trust is broken, it’s gone … forever. As far as I’m concerned there are no excuses, reasons or situations that will ever justify infidelity.
    Other than those two reasons divorce should not be an option. Any other time it is done for purely selfish reasons on one partners behalf.
    I could go on and on but I will save it for a post on my own blog. Thanks Diana for a good idea for a post that is long overdue on my part. I hope I haven’t bored you to tears with this long winded comment, but it is something that I feel very strongly about, for many different reason.
    Great post!!!!

    Like

    December 19, 2014 at 5:58 pm

    • As far as infidelity go’s i think it can be worked through, as long as its not something that continues

      Liked by 1 person

      December 21, 2014 at 10:54 am

  14. Well, like the gentleman above said, it’s happened to him and he managed to get through it and I’m sure there are others that can too. I wouldn’t be able to because to me that would be like my wife telling me I wasn’t good enough, for sex, companionship, or anything else, which is pretty much what happened to me. Yes, in the beginning I wanted her back but of course I wasn’t thinking straight and after it was all said and done I was so glad she never agreed. If you can work through it then great, I hope you have a long and happy marriage, but for me, like I said, the trust would be gone forever, there would always be doubts and that’s no way to live.

    Like

    December 21, 2014 at 1:18 pm

  15. wow – this is such a painful topic – My parents married since 38 years now, still life is beautiful! I am not in favor of divorce, as that is not allowed in our Jewish Culture and tradition. You made me cry after reading your article and I let my sister read it as well. We both were shocked why couples want to divorce!

    “Mommy and daddy are getting a divorce.”

    To children, those fateful words can mean a range of things, depending on their age. A baby or toddler won’t understand them at all but may pick up on your somber tone and be confused or frightened by it; an older child may worry that she’ll wind up like a friend at school who sees her dad only rarely, or that she’ll have to move to a smaller house and share a bedroom with her little sister.

    There’s no doubt that children from broken homes are twice as likely to grow up and have marriages that end in divorce. But most experts agree that divorce itself isn’t necessarily a negative sentence for children.

    Like

    December 21, 2014 at 3:57 pm

  16. You look marvelous in your dress. šŸ™‚ My mom most be the poster child for divorces what with having 2 (maybe more now… o_o)

    Like

    December 29, 2014 at 4:55 pm

    • Lol thanks, my mother has been divorced twice and married 3 times, (so far)

      Like

      December 29, 2014 at 4:57 pm

  17. Sometimes divorce seems to be the best answer. That is when a person gets married for the wrong reasons and never really gave their “all” to the relationship from the get-go.
    I am 56 years old and Divorce was skyrocketing back in the nineteen seventies..I think the stats were 1 in 3 marriages ended in Divorce back then; the majority o my peers never got married in lieu of “living together”. The thought was “we don’t need a piece of paper to make it real”. What a bunch of hooey!
    I didn’t find myself interested in marriage until I was 40 years old. I met a person that seemed to really “get me”! We have been together for 16 years and married for 15. I am amazed daily about his willingness to support my ideas. I am physically disabled, he is my caregiver and he works 11 pm-7 am 6 days a week. One of my foster children (she is now 37), her husband and my two grandsons (ages 6 & 3) currently live with us. We take care of the boys Friday through Monday every week. I don’t know where Kurt finds the stamina. His night off is Thursday.
    I am so glad I waited. So happy to have accomplished so much in my life prior to meeting Kurt. I can honestly say I was “grown up” enough and knew myself well enough by the time i met him I was truly ready to give all of myself to the relationship.

    Like

    January 3, 2015 at 12:56 pm

    • Thats awesome im so glad for you that you met your soul mate and are in such a wonderful marriage, he sounds like a great man.

      Liked by 1 person

      January 3, 2015 at 12:59 pm

  18. Basharr

    Too many people no longer believe in the sanctity of marriage. I am in my first and only marriage, its a vow, a promise something people should understand before deciding to get married. My grandparents were married just 3 months short of 60 years when my grandmother died. They were old school I guess, in it for the long haul. I don’t get it I know lots of people divorced after three years, thats not even trying, it is giving up. Marriage is about love, work, understanding and being able to sacrifice selfishness. My wife is my best friend.

    Like

    January 3, 2015 at 9:31 pm

    • I agree now if its not super easy and super fun people give up, and even though my mother has been divorced twice and married 3 times, that is not the way i think things should be, my husband and i have been together for 14 years many of which were extremely hard for several reasons but i will never leave his side no matter what, not until the day they put me in the ground. congratulations on your wonderful marriage.

      Like

      January 3, 2015 at 10:07 pm

      • Basharr

        It is wonderful now but I had to do some serious soul searching and clean my act up. I partied hard while my wife put up with my antics, she never lost faith in me and when I recognized that I quit drinking. I am lucky as my wife did not partake in the party atmosphere but she stuck with me.

        Like

        January 4, 2015 at 7:38 pm

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