Some pics of me and my little ones early day Halloween at church and later before trick or treating, I was really lacking in my makeup skills this year!
My little man in his army gear, he’s so cute.
Today was an awesome and emotional day, today my first-born son graduated fifth grade. No more elementary school for him. Today as i watched him walk across the floor to get his certificate, i felt exactly the same as i did on his first day of kindergarten, i felt proud, anxious, nervous for what was to come, and kinda sad that my baby is growing up. I felt the tears coming, but i think i did pretty good at hiding it, i didn’t want to embarrass him on his last day! Now to my son, D.j. i know you will read this in a little while and i want you to know that i am so proud of the young man you are becoming, but just because you’re growing up doesn’t mean you aren’t my baby anymore. I love you more than anything and you will always be my baby boy. Love mom.
What do you fear? I was helping a friend of mine take off trash from down town Blacksburg the other day and i noticed she seemed nervous, well when we got back in the vehicle she said i hate it when that happens, i said what, and she said it scared her cause two men were walking up the alleyway that we were in. That took me by surprise because i barely even noticed them, but it really shook her up. I told her she didnt need to be scared of anything like that especially when im with her cause i always carry a blade and im not afraid of stuff like that.
Well that got me thinking what is it that makes us fear certain things when others pay it no mind at all? It is just our lives i think, things that have caused us the most pain, or things we think will cause us pain. Me for example i am not afraid of big bearded men with tattoos or motorcycles or in all honesty anything else like that, i guess cause i grew up in a rough way. The only thing that scares me is the thought of losing another child, my husband, or something bad happening to one of them. I am not afraid of pain or anything when it comes to me, but man it tears me up to see one of them hurting or sad.
So what are you afraid of and do you know why you are afraid of it?
Hey everybody just wanted to say Happy mother’s day to all the mommies out there, hope you had a great one with your kids. I will post a little later about my mothers day cause right now im just enjoying being around the fire pit. Pay no attention to the fat roles in the picture, lol.
So for those of you who dont know i am completely crazy when it comes to babies, i mean everybody who knows me knows that if there is a baby in our church or anywhere else like that, i will be holding the little cutie before i leave. If i didnt have so many complications with my pregnancies i would have 3 or 4 more, but anyway the point is i had a great week cause i got to babysit two of the cutest little babies. Which was a lot of fun especially cause they are both at that great snuggle age, all of my boys are pretty much past that now, my oldest is 20 and in college, i have my 11 year old who runs and hides if i try to hug him, my 5 year old will give me a hug and a kiss sometimes (depending on what kind of mood he is in, and my 3 year old just wants to smack me and run away. So it was awesome watching these 2 sweet little baby girls. Here are some pics.
Now im not just saying this cause they are my kids, but are these not 2 of the most adorable little boys you have ever seen? These pics were so precious i had to share them.
To start with a 5 year old little boy named Noah Thomas went missing on sunday, he lived about 10 miles from me. More than a thousand people volunteered their services to find him, but sadly he was found dead in a septic tank right next to his house yesterday evening. I did not know this little boy at all but hearing that news broke my heart. In all honesty i dont know if the parents had anything to do with his death or not, i know that some of the details they provided seem shady to me but im not gonna judge them until there is a reason to, so my thoughts and prayers are definitely with them.
A few days after little Noah went missing my husbands grandmother passed away, her funeral was today, and even though i know she is not suffering anymore and she is in a much better place, it makes me so sad because this world was a better place for having her in it. She was the kind of woman that i hope i will be some day, she was 89 years old and still worked in her garden, she was the most loving and generous person you could ever meet, and she loved God with all her heart, i mean if you were in a room with her you felt like family, even if you didnt know her. She will be greatly missed.
And the other reason this week was rough is because our daughters birthday was yesterday which is always hard and on this day 7 years ago we were standing in the exact same funeral home for our daughters funeral. It was the first time we had been back to that funeral home and for it to be on the exact same day her funeral was, i guess it just hit me kinda hard.
I really hope that wherever you all are in this world, that your week is going better than ours is here.
Today is a not so easy day for me, you see today is my daughters birthday. Her name was Rain Mckayla and she passed away in 2008, if she were still with us she would be 7 years old today. I think about her and miss her every single day of my life but on this day the sadness is much greater. I can imagine all of the things we would be doing right now if she were with us, i would be fixing her hair and getting her ready for her party, where she would make birthday wishes and blow out birthday candles, and i would tell her how much i love her and how beautiful she looks in her birthday dress. But i cant do any of those things and my feelings about that range from extreme anger to unbearable sadness. Which is not easy to handle, so i wrote her a poem and i thought i would share it here.
My darling Rain you were taken from me years ago,
and yes you are in heaven this i know,
but i want you here with me to watch you play and grow,
So many things ill never see,
your sweet little smile or my beautiful daughter climbing a tree,
oh how i wish i could hold your hand and kiss your cheek,
and tell you how much i love you all through the week,
but i will talk to you every night when i pray,
and mommy will come home and be with you again some day.
and though no longer in my arms i will hold you in my heart,
and i promise we’ll never be far apart.
Happy Birthday Rain, mommy and daddy miss you and love you so much.
First time making homemade mini pizzas, they are loving it.
I cant believe he is 3 years old, for those of you who dont know donnie was born at 23 weeks gestation weighed 1 pound 2 ounces and the doctors told us he wouldnt survive, and on top of that he had to have 1 heart surgery, 6 abdominal surgeries, and eye injections, most of which was before he even hit 3 pounds. I have been so blessed because today we got to celebrate his birthday with him, a happy, healthy, beautiful little 3 year old miracle boy.
How do you deal with something that you so desperately want to change but can not. I saw a picure earlier of a 3 year old child from africa, you could see every bone in his body, he is starving to death and there is nothing I can do about it. This devastates me, it crushes me that there are babies and children starving and in pain and I can not change it. I want so badly to just rap my arms around all of them and tell them everything is going to be alright. I want to bring them to my home cover them up with a big soft blanket and feed them, but I cant. I hate that there are so many millionaires in this country and all over the world who do nothing to help and the ones that do help dont even do 5 percent of what they could. Why? I dont really even know why im posting this, it just hurt me to see that picture and realize I cant change that childs life, and I just felt like writing. But if there was a point to this post it would be for everyone to be more charitable towards others, and if you can put your children in a warm bed warm, not hungry, or in pain, then dont take that forgranted be grateful because so many people all over the world do not have the ability to do that.
The top court in Connecticut ruled that a 17-year-old girl named cassandra would be forced to undergo chemotherapy. The 17 year old child was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, which with chemo she has an 85 percent chance of survival, but she was refusing treatment saying she did not want something toxic (chemo) in her body, and her mother was supporting her decision even though that meant her daughter would die. So the 17 year old was removed from her mothers care and custody was given to the state, so that she would have to undergo treatment. Yesss woot woot, finally a smart decision. This girl is 17 way to young, and to dramatic to make a decision about whether she lives or dies, and her mother is just crazy im sorry but what kind of mother would let their child essentially kill them self when there is a treatment for their condition? Anyway im very glad in this case, that the courts stepped in and did what needed to be done. What do you think? Do you think the right decision was made?
My little Dominik and Donnie went and saw Santa tonight and they loved it. Now the kids and I are watching Its a Wonderful life, which is one of our Christmas traditions that I love. Sitting in front of my beautifully lit up christmas tree, with my beautiful boys, and knowing how much I have been blessed in my life, its awesome. I hope everyone else out there is doing something special with someone that they love.
What im curious about is how come there are so many protests and so much outrage for Michael Brown who actually did do something very wrong, but there hasnt been anywhere near the same amount of anger over 12 year old Tamir Rice who was shot and killed by a police officer for having a toy gun? I mean come on what is the deal? I swear i just dont understand what is going on in peoples heads anymore. Some things definitely deserve fury and anger, but i dont think anyone knows which ones do and which ones dont anymore. My thoughts and prayers go out to Tamir’s family.
Oh and it seems a lot of people dont know what the definition of murder is so i thought i would include it here. MURDER – The unlawful killing of another human being without justification or excuse.
I am thankful to have one very special man, the man who literally made all of my dreams come true, the man who saved me from myself, and the man who makes me complete, the man who makes me a better me, i am thankful for my husband Darrell. I love you babe and i cant express with words how thankful i am that you are the one i get to spend the rest of my life with., they are the best kids that a parent could ever ask for, each one of them so special and wonderful in their own way.
I am thankful for my sobriety, i have been clean and sober for 3 years, 3 months, and 21 days, without my sobriety i would have nothing, i would not even have myself.
I am thankful that my father who i thought i had lost to alcohol, has stopped drinking and he has been sober for 1 week and 3 days, i am so very proud of him.And in addition to all of things i already mentioned we have finally gotten settled in our beautiful new house.
I cant imagine a life that is any better than the one i have right now. I am thankful.
We went out and played in the leaves today, it was awesome.
Then Dominik and dj helped me rake and bag em up, I love my life.
Please keep my son donnie in your thoughts and prayers, he is in surgery for his teeth right now.
Iv’e always heard people say that they love their children so much, that they would die for them,which is a sweet thought i guess, but most of the time you are not going to have to do that. what you will need to do is live for them. My dad was such a wonderful person when i was younger, he worked really hard, loved God and his family, and when my mother left us, he took on the burden of raising 3 daughters on his own. He did okay for a little while, until he started to realize my mother was not coming back. He started drinking, not a lot at first but it became more and more, and over the years i have seen this man that i love so dearly, who was once my hero, turn into a bitter shell of the person he used to be. I really idolized my dad, and as time went on i wanted to do everything like him, walk like him, talk like him, act like him, and DRINK like him. My dad never did anything without a beer, if he was mowing he had to have beer, camping he had to have a lot of beer, the same with fishing, working, watching t.v., or anything else. I grew up watching and doing this, and thinking it was normal, and any other way was stupid, and guess what i turned out to be, an alcoholic. Your children watch you and pay attention, now i know not all children turn out like their parents, whether good or bad, but the thing is if you love them like you say you do, then why take a chance. We should be being the best examples we can for our children. Think about it this way, if you come home and say i have had a hard day, and the first thing you do is grab a beer, then you are teaching your kids when things get hard it helps to drink. my dad has never found drinking to be a serious problem, I remember one time when i was 13 my dad realized i had been stealing some of his beer, well he came up with this great idea that he would teach me a lesson about drinking by giving me a drink, so he poured 2 shots of mezcal tequila, one for him and one for me, he took his, i took mine, he threw up, i asked for another, and you know what is sad he still jokes about it to this day, even after all the problems alcohol has caused me. Now my father has lost everything, his job where he worked for 33 years, his wife, his home, his license, his health and himself. It breaks my heart to see him in this condition, and he still says theres nothen wrong with drinken some beer. I am a very lucky person, i was able to come out of my addiction, even though it was so deeply ingrained in me, that i had to relearn everything. I was lucky because so many people just can not change their way of thinking, it is all they know and most of the time its all they wanna know. Its like spending your whole life knowing that the sky is blue and then having everyone around you saying no your colors are all wrong, the sky is nowhere near blue. your children live by example, so show them how much you love them every day, by being the best example you can be. Just telling them how to act is not enough, actions speak louder than words.
I have seen a few things lately talking about child abuse and how the abusers shouldnt be dealt with aggressively, but they need to be counseled and that they only do it because they themselves were abused.
That makes me so mad, i mean maybe they were abused but that doesn’t mean they must become abusers themselves, there is only one word that describes a parent who would harm their child, evil.
I was abused as a child in every way imaginable physically, sexually, emotionally, i went without food for days at a time and had to steal to feed my younger sister, so i know what it means to suffer, but i would never, could never hurt my children or any child, in fact because of what i went through i am very emotional about a childs feelings and well being, i have no problem at all stepping in and stopping someone even if i just think they are talking to their child inappropriately. I have never and will never stand by and do nothing if i think a child is in any danger, even if that means putting myself in danger to stop it.
People who abuse their children do not need to be counseled they need to be put in prison for life and have the other inmates treat them the way they treated their kids. Being abused as a child is not an excuse to grow up and abuse your children. But anyway that was a little venting on my part but please if you suspect any child is being harmed dont just let it go, make a difference call the police, do something. If you think something bad is happening to a child and do nothing, then you are just as guilty as the abuser. No child deserves to be hurt or forced to live in fear, and we have a responsibility to make sure they aren’t.
Hey everybody i hope you are all doing well, i was pleasantly surprised this evening when I was nominated for the sisterhood of the world bloggers award by Laura over at http://beginninglifeat43.com/, thanks so much dear that was very sweet. Those of you who do not already follow her should definitely do so, she is a very honest and inspiring woman.
Now as with other awards there are a few rules that come with accepting this award
1. Thank the blogger who nominated you and link back to their site
2. Display the award logo on your blog
3. Answer the ten questions i ask you
4. Come up with ten new questions for your nominees to answer
5. Nominate ten others for this award
Lauras questions for me were
1. What does sisterhood mean to you, and have you always felt it?
In all honesty sisterhood does not mean that much to me anymore, i have 2 sisters and we used to be very close but we havent spoke in over 3 years now. I am surrounded by my sons and my husband and i am very happy about it.
2. Why do you blog, and what message is your blog trying to send?
I started blogging to help others who suffer with addiction, but it has became an escape for me, a place to be myself and get things off my chest, it has became my refuge.
3. If you could offer me any advice, on my blog, or my message what would it be? (Please be honest, truly).
Continue to be honest and change nothing your blog is great.
4. What is one piece of advice you would give yourself if you could go back in time?
I would tell my self many things not to trust so easily, never pick up a bottle whether alcoholic or prescription, and not to listen to my family because i am worth something whether they believe it or not.
5. Are you happy? If not, do you know why? Or, what does happy mean to you?
Yes i am very happy, i have had the happiest days of my life in the past 3 years since i got sober, and that is what happiness means to me, being surrounded by those you love most and being able to make them happy, being able to make their lives better.
6. What do you do when you aren’t blogging?
Taking care of my little ones or occasionally getting lost in one of my new dramas on television.
7. What are your dreams for your future?
To raise my children to be good, happy, and stable men, and for my husband and i to one day be able to take that trip to Ireland.
8. What makes you unique?
I dont know that i am all that unique, but if i were to pick something that might make me unique it would be my ability to persevere and my very strange love for all things zombie.
9. What is one thing you think would make the world a better place?
This is a tough one and if asked 20 years ago my answer would have been different, but now i think the best answer is strength. People use to be much stronger and could handle much more, but so many people now just give up or quit when things get hard, it is no longer being taught that strength is just as important as all of the other things. Strength is a very important key to life and survival.
10. What would your Apocalypse look like, and who and what role would you play in it?
Zombies of course, and i would be the one who saves everyone from the zombies and themselves.
My nominees are
Your questions are
1. What do you think is your best quality?
2. What is your biggest regret?
3. Name someone you have looked up to in life, and tell us why.
4. If you had to choose between being a cop or a doctor which would you choose and why?
5. Have you ever been in a fight, if so what was it over?
6. If you could meet one person alive or passed on who would it be, and why?
7. Have you ever had a near death experience?
8. Have you ever experienced a miracle, if so what was it?
9. What is your favorite show or movie?
10. Do you think a person can ever truly change or not?
Again thanks so much laura for nominating me, this was fun. If you dont know these awesome bloggers you should check them out, they do not disappoint.
But that is just one of the many great things about how my life is going now, we have been trying to get a house for a while now and we are expected to close on it in october, woot woot.
The kids are all doing great, Dustin who is 19 is in college ( so proud of him ), Dj (10) is in 5th grade this year and is such a good kid, Dominik just turned 5 and had a great birthday party, and my little Donnie (2) is starting to talk like crazy and just growing so fast.
In edition to everything else i just shared we have started our own business on the side which is going really good, and Darrell got a promotion at his regular job to, Life is great. I still need that nose job lol, but other than that everything is perfect. I hope all of your lives are going just as wonderfully as mine is and if not, dont lose hope things will get better, im living proof of that. Oh and i havent had a smoke in like 3 weeks, just sayin.
This weeks life through the lens challenge is love, i didnt draw this one because i dont think i could do it justice, or capture all of the emotion in it, im definitly not that good yet. But this is what i think love looks like. This is me at 18 holding my first born (D.j.) for the very first time, and the amount of love i felt at that moment was almost to much to handle, i personally think this picture shows that pretty clearly. I dont think there is any love stronger than the love between a (good) mother and her child it is an amazing feeling.