I hope everyone had a great thanksgiving, I definitely did! I spent my day cooking and my son dj helped me for the first time so I really enjoyed that, getting to teach him some of my cooking tricks was a lot of fun for me! But I spent my day with the people I love the most in this world, except my son Dustin he had to work which stunk but it was a great day anyway and I ate way to much, lol! And my amazing husband even helped me clean up afterwards!
Some pics of me and my little ones early day Halloween at church and later before trick or treating, I was really lacking in my makeup skills this year!
Happy anniversary to the man who holds my heart and the love of my life, we have been together for 15 years and I love you more and more with every year that passes.
I love you Darrell.
Happy 4th of July yawl, enjoy the fireworks, cookouts, and family, but also remember our freedom wasn’t free, it came with a price! many people have lost their lives so that we could be free, so dont take it forgranted. Be safe and have a great Independence day.
Yesterday we went to the lake and fed some geese, then headed on up to Tennessee and bought some more fireworks, so it was a good day.
Donnie will be starting preschool, Dominik will be starting kindergarten, and Dj will be starting middle school. Now for a long time I was considering home schooling them, just because it seems so dangerous to even send them to school anymore, (especially middle school) but at the same time I am looking forward to them going. I mean then I could start working a bit more and bring in some extra income. I am just so scared that something bad will happen ( like Newtown ) and Im not sure if these feelings of dread are me being paranoid or if they are completely justified?
On one hand I realize that the odds of something like that happening are very small but on the other hand if I send them to school and something like that did happen it is not going to make me feel better that the odds were slim. I don’t know I guess I just wanted to get that off my chest and see if anyone else out there has felt the same way, if so let me know how you handled or are handling it, cause I feel like im gonna go crazy.
Now im not just saying this cause they are my kids, but are these not 2 of the most adorable little boys you have ever seen? These pics were so precious i had to share them.
To start with a 5 year old little boy named Noah Thomas went missing on sunday, he lived about 10 miles from me. More than a thousand people volunteered their services to find him, but sadly he was found dead in a septic tank right next to his house yesterday evening. I did not know this little boy at all but hearing that news broke my heart. In all honesty i dont know if the parents had anything to do with his death or not, i know that some of the details they provided seem shady to me but im not gonna judge them until there is a reason to, so my thoughts and prayers are definitely with them.
A few days after little Noah went missing my husbands grandmother passed away, her funeral was today, and even though i know she is not suffering anymore and she is in a much better place, it makes me so sad because this world was a better place for having her in it. She was the kind of woman that i hope i will be some day, she was 89 years old and still worked in her garden, she was the most loving and generous person you could ever meet, and she loved God with all her heart, i mean if you were in a room with her you felt like family, even if you didnt know her. She will be greatly missed.
And the other reason this week was rough is because our daughters birthday was yesterday which is always hard and on this day 7 years ago we were standing in the exact same funeral home for our daughters funeral. It was the first time we had been back to that funeral home and for it to be on the exact same day her funeral was, i guess it just hit me kinda hard.
I really hope that wherever you all are in this world, that your week is going better than ours is here.
First time making homemade mini pizzas, they are loving it.
I cant believe he is 3 years old, for those of you who dont know donnie was born at 23 weeks gestation weighed 1 pound 2 ounces and the doctors told us he wouldnt survive, and on top of that he had to have 1 heart surgery, 6 abdominal surgeries, and eye injections, most of which was before he even hit 3 pounds. I have been so blessed because today we got to celebrate his birthday with him, a happy, healthy, beautiful little 3 year old miracle boy.
I hope you are all surrounded by as much love and joy as i am.
And try to remember that the holidays arent just about giving and receiving gifts, enjoy every second you have with the people you love and dont take it for granted.
Wishing all of you a very safe and Merry Christmas.
For those of you who dont know, this gorgeous man is my husband and he is an amazing person.
This picture was taken about 3 1/2 years ago, we had just done a 30 mile hike and camped in a tent that was broke. I took this picture at 6:30 in the morning when we were on our way home. We were so tired, our feet hurt so bad, and he still looked amazing, while i on the other hand looked like a raccoon had slept in my hair and i had been beaten with an ugly stick, lol.
This man works 13 hours a day 4 days a week, night shift. His days off are not really days off at all, on those days he works the business that we started, and he still manages to run back and fourth to stores for me whenever i need something, and continues to put up with my zombie obsession.
Not to mention the fact that he was the only person who believed in me and loved me enough to help me get clean and sober. This man is my heart and in the past when i was using i put him through so much, anyone else would have given up and moved on, but he wouldnt quit. I know he still has fears about me going back to drugs or drinking, anybody would. I just wish there was a magical word i could say to let him know just how much i love him and that i would never ever hurt him again, but theres not so time will just have to show it.
That is one of the hardest things about recovery, its knowing with every fiber of your being that you will never go back to using, but seeing the fear and worry on your loved ones faces, because even though you know you wont do it again they dont.
But I am rambling, I just wanted to write a little something today to let my amazing husband know just how much he means to me and how much I love him.
I love you Darrell with all my heart and soul, Thankyou for being such a wonderful man .
Now i know there are some situations where divorce is a must, like in cases of abuse, but now there are so many people ready to throw in the towel over the most stupid things, like throwing towels for example. No joke i actually new a woman who wanted a divorce because her husband kept throwing his towels on the bathroom floor.
Now the most common statement that you hear when people get divorced is, we just weren’t happy.
Well i guess they took different vows than my husband and i did, because our vows said for better or worse.
I think a big part of the problem is that most people have a very unrealistic view on what marriage is. They think after you say i do there spouse is going to always be in a great mood, always agree with them, and just generally be this little ball of sunshine. ( Anyone who is married feel free to laugh now.) Marriage is not easy, in fact it is very hard. and it seems once people realize that, they want out. Oh sure some may spend six months or even a year tying to “fix their marriage”, or at least thats what they say, but usually that just means trying to change their spouse into what you think they should be. Which doesnt work.
This is not how marriage is supposed to be though, when you get married it is supposed to be forever, not just until you feel unhappy. News flash (alert alert) nobody is happy 24/7. Marriage is hard, and sometimes stressful, but if you put in the work to make it better it is awesome. To have someone that you know without a doubt, will never leave you, even when you make a mistake or even if you act so stupid you wish you could leave yourself, you know that person will still be there and will still love you. I dont think people understand that kind of love anymore. In the old days the saying was is anything worth doing is hard, but now it would read more like this if it isn’t easy dont bother. Most people go into marriage now with it already on their mind that if they are not happy they can just get a divorce, and when you go into a marriage thinking that way you miss out on so much, because you are expecting the marriage to fail, and have already accepted it as okay, and all of this for happiness.
Its funny because i recently read an article that said that the pursuit of happiness is actually making people unhappy, and i totally agree. Everyone is expecting something huge to come along and poof you’ll be happy and they spend so much time and energy searching for that huge something that they totally miss out on all the great things that happen every day. Its true what John Lennon said ( life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.) My point in all of this is most divorces are not out of necessity but rather selfishness, and that, is very sad. If people would just stop seeking that Mythical Happiness AND truly try then many marriages and families would be saved.
How adorable is this? This is brownie, and he is sound asleep on top of his brothers and sisters.
My little Dominik and Donnie went and saw Santa tonight and they loved it. Now the kids and I are watching Its a Wonderful life, which is one of our Christmas traditions that I love. Sitting in front of my beautifully lit up christmas tree, with my beautiful boys, and knowing how much I have been blessed in my life, its awesome. I hope everyone else out there is doing something special with someone that they love.
My dog had puppies about 2 weeks ago and they are so cute. Here are some pics.
She had 6 puppies, their names are brownie, wags, whimper, bear, white tip, and smooshie. The kids and i of course are crazy about them but we definitely arent gonna be able to keep them, 8 dogs in a new house just wont work. But me and the family sure like loven on em while we’ve got em.
Happy thanksgiving everybody, i hope it was a great one for you.
I thought i would give you a glimpse of what my day looked like,
I got up at 5:30 and started cooking, we had turkey, ham, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, deviled eggs, stuffing with chicken livers, corn casserole, green bean casserole, stuffed peppers, pumpkin pie, and cranberry sauce.
It has been a long crazy hectic day, but a great one. Here are some pics.
I am thankful to have one very special man, the man who literally made all of my dreams come true, the man who saved me from myself, and the man who makes me complete, the man who makes me a better me, i am thankful for my husband Darrell. I love you babe and i cant express with words how thankful i am that you are the one i get to spend the rest of my life with., they are the best kids that a parent could ever ask for, each one of them so special and wonderful in their own way.
I am thankful for my sobriety, i have been clean and sober for 3 years, 3 months, and 21 days, without my sobriety i would have nothing, i would not even have myself.
I am thankful that my father who i thought i had lost to alcohol, has stopped drinking and he has been sober for 1 week and 3 days, i am so very proud of him.And in addition to all of things i already mentioned we have finally gotten settled in our beautiful new house.
I cant imagine a life that is any better than the one i have right now. I am thankful.
I know that to most people my life would not be considered special, I dont have a high paying job, i dont save lives, im not a wonderful artist, and i have only visited three other states in my whole life. But every day i wake up to my family who needs me, that is something i have never felt before, to be needed. It is a great feeling.
In the past few years i have completely devoted myself to my family, and the satisfaction i feel every night when i go to sleep is amazing.
Back when i was doing drugs i still did some of the stuff i do now. I fed my children, and straightened up the house some, but my heart wasn’t in it, and everyone paid the price. I think that is why i appreciate everything so much more now, there is a huge differance in the way i think about things now and the way i thought about things then. I am invested now, with my whole heart and all my time and energy.
My son knows that when he comes home from school i will be here cooking dinner and cleaning the house, that makes me feel good.
When i was young i didnt have that feeling of comfort coming home from school, i was always scared to go through my front door, because my mother left my father for an alcoholic who beat her. I was so scared that one day i would come home and instead of finding her beat up she would dead, either by his hands or her own , as she had sliced her wrists down to the bone just a couple years prior. I dont even talk to my mother anymore, but i still have nightmares about that. And knowing that my children will never go through that, that they will never feel that sense of dread coming home, makes me very happy. And this is a kind of happiness i have never experienced until now, its happiness that comes from a good place not a pill bottle or a twelve pack.
I know i dont have a huge house, or a lot of money, and i doubt i will ever be able to go to Ireland like i want to, But their are 5 people whos lives i change positively every day. Its funny you hear so many people say dont tell me im a bad parent, i would die for my kids. which is fine but can you do the harder job and live for them. To die for someone you love is easy, but can you devote yourself to them and really love them more than you love yourself, I can and I do, and I now realize that everything i have is a blessing. my children, my husband, my home, and my sobriety. so today i will not change the world, but what i do keeps four children, and one great man happy and knowing that they are loved. And guess what that makes me pretty special.
We went out and played in the leaves today, it was awesome.
Then Dominik and dj helped me rake and bag em up, I love my life.
Right now everything is all about, who has the nicest house, the best car, the newest cell phones, and who makes the most money. This got me wondering if society were to fall, how many people would actually stand a chance at surviving? would you be able to feed your family if there were no longer grocery stores, would you be able to clothe your family, ( i cant sow worth anything so my husband would have to do that one) would you be able to physically protect your family, if money had no value, we had no electricity, and you had to actually take care of yourself, could you survive? I think for most people the answer would be a definite NO, most people would be like lori on the walking dead, just kinda there like a stump on a log, depending on others to feed and protect them, and not contributing anything at all except for a headache, because nowadays you are not taught how to survive, you are taught how to buy stuff. I personally think it is very important to at least know the basics, like hunting, fishing, and gardening, but many many people dont even know how to do those things. People have became very lazy and if its not easy or pleasant they dont want to do it, so if the zombie apocalypse ever happens ( dont laugh at me its possible. LOl ) man were in trouble. So i have decided that once a month i am going to try to learn something that would be a necessity in a devastating event. I already know how to hunt, fish, garden, build a shelter, and i am awesome with my crossbow, so i think my first choice is gonna be learning how to make primitive fire. I think everyone should be doing this, i mean if someone or many someones, lol are running toward you trying to eat your face, do you think you can scream i majored in business management so dont eat me. i dont think that would work but if you know how to use a machete that would certainly help and with the way the world is right now, anything is possible and thats what i want to be prepared for anything, plus i think its fun. So could you survive if society falls? and if the answer is yes, why do you think so? I think my family and i could not only survive, but thrive. My husband and i are very good with tools, weapons, and do it yourself stuff in general, we love to be out in the wild, and if anything ever did happen we would be heading up in the mountains, where we would be just fine. okay now i want to hear from you.
Iv’e always heard people say that they love their children so much, that they would die for them,which is a sweet thought i guess, but most of the time you are not going to have to do that. what you will need to do is live for them. My dad was such a wonderful person when i was younger, he worked really hard, loved God and his family, and when my mother left us, he took on the burden of raising 3 daughters on his own. He did okay for a little while, until he started to realize my mother was not coming back. He started drinking, not a lot at first but it became more and more, and over the years i have seen this man that i love so dearly, who was once my hero, turn into a bitter shell of the person he used to be. I really idolized my dad, and as time went on i wanted to do everything like him, walk like him, talk like him, act like him, and DRINK like him. My dad never did anything without a beer, if he was mowing he had to have beer, camping he had to have a lot of beer, the same with fishing, working, watching t.v., or anything else. I grew up watching and doing this, and thinking it was normal, and any other way was stupid, and guess what i turned out to be, an alcoholic. Your children watch you and pay attention, now i know not all children turn out like their parents, whether good or bad, but the thing is if you love them like you say you do, then why take a chance. We should be being the best examples we can for our children. Think about it this way, if you come home and say i have had a hard day, and the first thing you do is grab a beer, then you are teaching your kids when things get hard it helps to drink. my dad has never found drinking to be a serious problem, I remember one time when i was 13 my dad realized i had been stealing some of his beer, well he came up with this great idea that he would teach me a lesson about drinking by giving me a drink, so he poured 2 shots of mezcal tequila, one for him and one for me, he took his, i took mine, he threw up, i asked for another, and you know what is sad he still jokes about it to this day, even after all the problems alcohol has caused me. Now my father has lost everything, his job where he worked for 33 years, his wife, his home, his license, his health and himself. It breaks my heart to see him in this condition, and he still says theres nothen wrong with drinken some beer. I am a very lucky person, i was able to come out of my addiction, even though it was so deeply ingrained in me, that i had to relearn everything. I was lucky because so many people just can not change their way of thinking, it is all they know and most of the time its all they wanna know. Its like spending your whole life knowing that the sky is blue and then having everyone around you saying no your colors are all wrong, the sky is nowhere near blue. your children live by example, so show them how much you love them every day, by being the best example you can be. Just telling them how to act is not enough, actions speak louder than words.