But retain my memories i would, so i remember what not to do and what i should.
I wish i had always been the person that i am now, but i couldnt back then i didnt know how.
The lies i told i can not count, i wonder will my loved ones always doubt?
So i ask of you this, see me as i am, really see, im not the same as i used to be.
Hey everybody, i was just sitting here watching The Walking Dead marathon, which i didnt even know about until my friend Melissa told me, crazy right. She also nominated me for the very inspiring blogger award, since i just got this award the other day i am not gonna be doing another post on it, but i wanted to say thank you very much to Melissa from http://wereallmadheretheblog.wordpress.com/ and if you havent read her blog and followed her yet you definitely should, she is awesome.
Anyway i was watching The Walking Dead marathon when i realized that today marks my six month anniversary for trying to make things right. Awsomeness, woot woot.
We have came a long way in 6 months, with 314 followers and 5,637 views. I realize compared to other peoples blogs those numbers are tiny, but to me they are huge and amazing. There are 314 people that i have never met, who care what i think, that amazes me. I never imagined that this blog would be so important to me. When i started it i had never even read a blog, and barely new what a blog was, i just thought hey why not, but now it matters to me. I have met some wonderful people who i now think of as very dear friends, i know a lot of people dont think friendships made over the internet are real friendships, but to me they are. The friends that i have made here mean just as much to me as any friend i have ever had, and i am very grateful for each and every one of you.
In the process of creating this blog i have learned a lot, including one of the most helpful things that i have ever learned, which is that its okay to forgive myself for the things i have done wrong. When i started this blog i felt like i was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders with no where to unload, but this is a place where i can do just that, and hopefully help someone else in the process. I am so glad i decided to start this blog, it has made me a better person, talking with each and every one of you has made me a better person, So i thank you for that. Heres to another six months. Also i have noticed a lot of people still call me mommyx4boys which is fine if thats what you prefer, but my name is Diana Roark so feel free to call me Diana if you want.
Hey everyone, i just joined Desmond Tutu’s global forgiveness challenge. I have never had a problem forgiving others, that actually comes quite easily for me. But what doesnt come easily or at all it seems is forgiving myself, i have made a lot of bad choices in my life, and caused everyone i love a lot of pain, mainly because of drugs and alcohol, but i made them none the less. I thought that with time i would be able to move on and begin to feel like a decent human being, but it hasnt happened yet. It is hard for me to even have a normal argument with my husband because somewhere in the middle of it, i start telling my self that after everything i put him through i have no right to argue about anything. ( He doesnt say that, i just think it about myself.) And I have so many wonderful followers who are always telling me how i am a great woman, and how strong i am. which is so very appreciated, but i always feel like they are talking about someone else, and like i dont really deserve what they are saying. I know that my husband, children, and everyone else who matters, has forgiven me but how do i forgive myself? I hope that the next 30 days of going through this challenge will bring me a little bit closer to the forgiveness i am seeking. Here is the link to the forgiveness challenge www.forgivenesschallenge.com in case anyone else needs some help with forgiving.