I get to spend all day with this beautiful little baby, i love it.
Happy baby girl
Today was an awesome and emotional day, today my first-born son graduated fifth grade. No more elementary school for him. Today as i watched him walk across the floor to get his certificate, i felt exactly the same as i did on his first day of kindergarten, i felt proud, anxious, nervous for what was to come, and kinda sad that my baby is growing up. I felt the tears coming, but i think i did pretty good at hiding it, i didn’t want to embarrass him on his last day! Now to my son, D.j. i know you will read this in a little while and i want you to know that i am so proud of the young man you are becoming, but just because you’re growing up doesn’t mean you aren’t my baby anymore. I love you more than anything and you will always be my baby boy. Love mom.
My son, his name is Donnie and he is 2 years old, he will be 3 on January 15th and he is such a little miracle.
Donnie was born at 23 weeks gestation he weighed 1 pound 2 ounces (a micro preemie) and the doctors told us he that was probably going to die. There was an 85 % chance he would not survive. He was on the strongest breathing machine possible, and his little eyes were still sealed shut, but we had faith that he would make it. There were a couple of nights that things did not look good, and the doctors kept asking us to consider turning off the machines that were keeping him alive. They suggested that i could hold my son as he passed away, but we simply could not and would not do it.
I can’t really explain it in words but i knew he would be okay.
I can’t tell you how many nights they said he would not make it to the next morning, and i would cry and pray and beg God to heal him, and for him to give me strength, and he did. Donnie had to have 6 abdominal surgeries, because his intestines kept rupturing, he had to have a colostamy bag, and had 4 draining tubes all at once, plus 1 heart surgery to close a valve, and eye injections because he had rop, and most of this was before he even weighed 2 pounds. But finally the day came six months later when he got to come home and weighing in at a staggering 6 pounds. That was one of the happiest days of my life and that is the reason that no one will ever convince me that miracles dont happen. So do you believe in miracles? Have you ever experienced a miracle? If so i would love to hear about it.
I have seen a lot of posts here lately about losing weight, dieting, and things of that nature, and most of the people writing these posts are not big people in any way.
I just dont understand what the obsession is with being stick figure skinny, these pictures are me obviously, now the one where i am holding my son was taken 4 1/2 years ago, i weighed about 105. The other one is from like 2 months ago and i weighed about 140. I think i look a lot better in the one where i have a little extra weight on me, I think most women do. I think women were far more attractive when they were a little bit thick, they were voluptuous and curvy, now almost every model or actress is just plain scrawny. I mean what is attractive about seeing a womans bones sticking out. Now there are women who are just small framed and petite, and they are beautiful to, but when its forced it just looks unhealthy. I dont know maybe its just me but i dont think for a second that the skinnier you are the more beautiful you are.
Dont be ashamed of your curves, be proud of em. And if you have always been skinny be proud of that, i just wish women would stop trying so hard to change their self. Love who you are now, whether your thick, skinny, short, or tall, stop worrying about what others think. I wont give up bacon cause someone else thinks im not perfect, and neither should you, you are beautiful just the way you are.
Now i know there are some situations where divorce is a must, like in cases of abuse, but now there are so many people ready to throw in the towel over the most stupid things, like throwing towels for example. No joke i actually new a woman who wanted a divorce because her husband kept throwing his towels on the bathroom floor.
Now the most common statement that you hear when people get divorced is, we just weren’t happy.
Well i guess they took different vows than my husband and i did, because our vows said for better or worse.
I think a big part of the problem is that most people have a very unrealistic view on what marriage is. They think after you say i do there spouse is going to always be in a great mood, always agree with them, and just generally be this little ball of sunshine. ( Anyone who is married feel free to laugh now.) Marriage is not easy, in fact it is very hard. and it seems once people realize that, they want out. Oh sure some may spend six months or even a year tying to “fix their marriage”, or at least thats what they say, but usually that just means trying to change their spouse into what you think they should be. Which doesnt work.
This is not how marriage is supposed to be though, when you get married it is supposed to be forever, not just until you feel unhappy. News flash (alert alert) nobody is happy 24/7. Marriage is hard, and sometimes stressful, but if you put in the work to make it better it is awesome. To have someone that you know without a doubt, will never leave you, even when you make a mistake or even if you act so stupid you wish you could leave yourself, you know that person will still be there and will still love you. I dont think people understand that kind of love anymore. In the old days the saying was is anything worth doing is hard, but now it would read more like this if it isn’t easy dont bother. Most people go into marriage now with it already on their mind that if they are not happy they can just get a divorce, and when you go into a marriage thinking that way you miss out on so much, because you are expecting the marriage to fail, and have already accepted it as okay, and all of this for happiness.
Its funny because i recently read an article that said that the pursuit of happiness is actually making people unhappy, and i totally agree. Everyone is expecting something huge to come along and poof you’ll be happy and they spend so much time and energy searching for that huge something that they totally miss out on all the great things that happen every day. Its true what John Lennon said ( life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.) My point in all of this is most divorces are not out of necessity but rather selfishness, and that, is very sad. If people would just stop seeking that Mythical Happiness AND truly try then many marriages and families would be saved.
Happy thanksgiving everybody, i hope it was a great one for you.
I thought i would give you a glimpse of what my day looked like,
I got up at 5:30 and started cooking, we had turkey, ham, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, deviled eggs, stuffing with chicken livers, corn casserole, green bean casserole, stuffed peppers, pumpkin pie, and cranberry sauce.
It has been a long crazy hectic day, but a great one. Here are some pics.
I know that to most people my life would not be considered special, I dont have a high paying job, i dont save lives, im not a wonderful artist, and i have only visited three other states in my whole life. But every day i wake up to my family who needs me, that is something i have never felt before, to be needed. It is a great feeling.
In the past few years i have completely devoted myself to my family, and the satisfaction i feel every night when i go to sleep is amazing.
Back when i was doing drugs i still did some of the stuff i do now. I fed my children, and straightened up the house some, but my heart wasn’t in it, and everyone paid the price. I think that is why i appreciate everything so much more now, there is a huge differance in the way i think about things now and the way i thought about things then. I am invested now, with my whole heart and all my time and energy.
My son knows that when he comes home from school i will be here cooking dinner and cleaning the house, that makes me feel good.
When i was young i didnt have that feeling of comfort coming home from school, i was always scared to go through my front door, because my mother left my father for an alcoholic who beat her. I was so scared that one day i would come home and instead of finding her beat up she would dead, either by his hands or her own , as she had sliced her wrists down to the bone just a couple years prior. I dont even talk to my mother anymore, but i still have nightmares about that. And knowing that my children will never go through that, that they will never feel that sense of dread coming home, makes me very happy. And this is a kind of happiness i have never experienced until now, its happiness that comes from a good place not a pill bottle or a twelve pack.
I know i dont have a huge house, or a lot of money, and i doubt i will ever be able to go to Ireland like i want to, But their are 5 people whos lives i change positively every day. Its funny you hear so many people say dont tell me im a bad parent, i would die for my kids. which is fine but can you do the harder job and live for them. To die for someone you love is easy, but can you devote yourself to them and really love them more than you love yourself, I can and I do, and I now realize that everything i have is a blessing. my children, my husband, my home, and my sobriety. so today i will not change the world, but what i do keeps four children, and one great man happy and knowing that they are loved. And guess what that makes me pretty special.
Hey everybody i hope you are all doing well, i was pleasantly surprised this evening when I was nominated for the sisterhood of the world bloggers award by Laura over at http://beginninglifeat43.com/, thanks so much dear that was very sweet. Those of you who do not already follow her should definitely do so, she is a very honest and inspiring woman.
Now as with other awards there are a few rules that come with accepting this award
1. Thank the blogger who nominated you and link back to their site
2. Display the award logo on your blog
3. Answer the ten questions i ask you
4. Come up with ten new questions for your nominees to answer
5. Nominate ten others for this award
Lauras questions for me were
1. What does sisterhood mean to you, and have you always felt it?
In all honesty sisterhood does not mean that much to me anymore, i have 2 sisters and we used to be very close but we havent spoke in over 3 years now. I am surrounded by my sons and my husband and i am very happy about it.
2. Why do you blog, and what message is your blog trying to send?
I started blogging to help others who suffer with addiction, but it has became an escape for me, a place to be myself and get things off my chest, it has became my refuge.
3. If you could offer me any advice, on my blog, or my message what would it be? (Please be honest, truly).
Continue to be honest and change nothing your blog is great.
4. What is one piece of advice you would give yourself if you could go back in time?
I would tell my self many things not to trust so easily, never pick up a bottle whether alcoholic or prescription, and not to listen to my family because i am worth something whether they believe it or not.
5. Are you happy? If not, do you know why? Or, what does happy mean to you?
Yes i am very happy, i have had the happiest days of my life in the past 3 years since i got sober, and that is what happiness means to me, being surrounded by those you love most and being able to make them happy, being able to make their lives better.
6. What do you do when you aren’t blogging?
Taking care of my little ones or occasionally getting lost in one of my new dramas on television.
7. What are your dreams for your future?
To raise my children to be good, happy, and stable men, and for my husband and i to one day be able to take that trip to Ireland.
8. What makes you unique?
I dont know that i am all that unique, but if i were to pick something that might make me unique it would be my ability to persevere and my very strange love for all things zombie.
9. What is one thing you think would make the world a better place?
This is a tough one and if asked 20 years ago my answer would have been different, but now i think the best answer is strength. People use to be much stronger and could handle much more, but so many people now just give up or quit when things get hard, it is no longer being taught that strength is just as important as all of the other things. Strength is a very important key to life and survival.
10. What would your Apocalypse look like, and who and what role would you play in it?
Zombies of course, and i would be the one who saves everyone from the zombies and themselves.
My nominees are
Your questions are
1. What do you think is your best quality?
2. What is your biggest regret?
3. Name someone you have looked up to in life, and tell us why.
4. If you had to choose between being a cop or a doctor which would you choose and why?
5. Have you ever been in a fight, if so what was it over?
6. If you could meet one person alive or passed on who would it be, and why?
7. Have you ever had a near death experience?
8. Have you ever experienced a miracle, if so what was it?
9. What is your favorite show or movie?
10. Do you think a person can ever truly change or not?
Again thanks so much laura for nominating me, this was fun. If you dont know these awesome bloggers you should check them out, they do not disappoint.
This drawing wasnt part of any challenge, i just did it for fun.
This is me and darrell 13 years ago, i was 17 and Even then i knew he would be the love of my life, and that one day i was gonna be be his wife. Every year that passes is better than the last, im so very blessed.
We had a blast at the carnival,everyone loved it, me and dj rode everything and dominik rode everything that he could, which was only about 4 rides so we just repeated them a lot. I got cotton candy, funnel cake, and philly cheese steak. I didnt wanna leave, but i thought crying and throwing a fit might draw a crowd so… anyway thought i would share some pics with yawl.
Do you want to know what happiness and love looks like? If so check this out.
Yay i was just given the shout out award by Amanda at spreadingcrazysmiles. Woo hoo told you i was awesome, lol. if you havent read her blog you should definitely head over there, she has a lot to say and isnt afraid to say it, which is something i hold in high regard, especially since most people now a days are to busy tip toeing over the sensitive issues, to say how they really feel.
It is my understanding that one of the reasons i was given this award, is because i am not afraid to give my opinion, is it really that obvious? lol,
I am definitely not the type of person to hold back when it comes to something i am passionate about, which a lot of people may see that as a bad thing, but i dont. Whether you agree with me or not at least you will know where i stand, and that i am not going to change my mind for popularity points, that is my integrity and it is not for sell at any price. Anyway i am now supposed to nominate 7 – 10 other bloggers for this award.
And the nominees are
1. Cristi G. at easybeingmom.wordpress.com
2. Lupie Momma at lifeofalupiemomma.wordpress.com
3. Mrs. Ipockolypse at ipockolypse.wordpress.com
4. Machinegunmama at machinegunmama.wordpress.com
5. The Indesicive Eejit at theindecisiveeejit.wordpress.com
6. healthaddict00 at healthsmartmomma.wordpress.com
7. April at diapersandtutus.wordpress.com
8. Swiss-Ami-Mom at hbb5212.wordpress.com
9. LFFL at lovingfoodfashionlife.com
10. lifecorked at lifecorkeddotcom.wordpress.com
11. MamaMickTerry at mamamickterry.wordpress.com
All of these bloggers are awesome and wonderful in their own way, so if you dont know their work already you should definitely check em out. This award is simple, to accept it just Put a link up for the blogger who nominated you in your acceptance post, and then put a link up for 7 to 10 blogs that you think deserve the award. Write some awesomeness in between and that’s it. The point of this award is just spread some happiness around. Thanks again Amanda for nominating me.
Okay i want all of my followers and anyone else who reads this, to tell me 5 songs that can make you smile, you know the kind of songs that reach inside you and just make you feel happy. For me and this is in no particular order they would be, Elvis presley jailhouse rock, The Rolling Stones beast of burden, Randy travis forever and ever, Keith whitley im no stranger to the rain, and Eric claptons wonderful tonight. These songs always make me smile and can get me out of the worst moods imaginable. okay so now i want to hear yours.