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Archive for March, 2014

Update on painful reminders

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAOh my gosh people i am so happy, remember my post painful reminders where i told you i had lost my claddagh ring, well i just found it, apparently it had fallen between two bottles of spices on my hutch .And you have no idea how relieved i am to have found it, saint patricks day was really frustrating for me, we watched a few Irish themed shows and on all of them they talked about claddagh rings, and i know i was just being paranoid but the whole time i just knew my husband was sitting there thinken yeah she traded hers for drugs, it is a situation that in reality, im sure has bothered me much more then it bothered him. But oh my goodness it just feels so good to be able to prove that i didnt do that. Happy happy joy joy today was a very good day.


Suicide prevention

th (9)I wanted to share some information with everyone about suicide prevention. Suicide is something that happens everywhere in the world, AND it does not discriminate, it can happen in any family of any color with any sexual orientation and any background. It is something that is truly tragic and shakes the world of everyone involved. But there is good news it can be prevented, and there are many wonderful people fighting to do just that. A friend of mine named Denise Hancock is one of those people, she is an organizer for the AFSP’s Radford WalkOut of the Darkness Community Walk to benefit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.The Out of the Darkness Community Walks are the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s (AFSP) signature fundraising campaign, bringing together family, friends, colleagues, and supporters at 3-5 mile walks in hundreds of communities across the country.

When you walk in the Out of the Darkness Community Walks, you join the effort with thousands of people to raise funds and awareness for AFSP’s vision to create a world without suicide. If you want to donate to this cause or participate just go to, and you will find all the details you will need. We need to step up and do something to stop this. Every year 38,000 lives are lost to suicide in the u.s. alone, and over a million worldwide, this is an issue that deserves everyone’s attention. Please join us in our effort to end this. Again you can find all the information you will need at Thank you for any help you can provide, even if it is just your support. If you or someone you know is in crisis please call 1-800-273-8255 the national suicide prevention lifeline.

We Miss you

tumblr_l8n3sef4vO1qbujoxToday is my daughters birthday. If she were still with us she would be 6 years old today, but the Lord needed her to come home.
Her name was Rain mckayla and i think about her and miss her every single day that i live, but on this day, it is overwhelming. Oh how i wish she were still here, i wish i could scoop her up in my arms and cover her with birthday kisses, i wish i could have a party for my little girl where we would shower her with gifts and watch her blow out birthday candles, but i cant do that, so instead sometime this week we will buy her some flowers and a small toy to place on her grave. We will visit our daughter and tell her how much we love her and miss her, we will tell her how one day mommy and daddy will be coming home to be with her, and that until then we will hold her in our hearts.
Happy Birthday Rain
we love you
mommy, daddy and your brothers

What are your top 5 feel good songs

ImageImageImageImageImageOkay i want all of my followers and anyone else who reads this, to tell me 5 songs that can make you smile, you know the kind of songs that reach inside you and just make you feel happy. For me and this is in no particular order they would be, Elvis presley jailhouse rock, The Rolling Stones beast of burden, Randy travis forever and ever, Keith whitley im no stranger to the rain, and Eric claptons wonderful tonight. These songs always make me smile and can get me out of the worst moods imaginable. okay so now i want to hear yours.


ImageI just wanted to share with everyone that today is my sons birthday, and i feel so old. He is 19 today. WOW! Time has really flown by, I am so proud of what a wonderful christian man he is turning out to be. I love you dustin and happy birthday.

                                                                                     Love mom

Christians are not about hate

This letter is to anyone who calls themself a christian, or anyone who thinks christians are violent hate promoting hypocrites .                                                                                      Image

I have read so much stuff here lately saying christians want gays to be murdered, and christians hate people who believe differently than they do, christians hate this and christians hate that. Well let me clear a few things up for everybody. A real christian does not hate anybody, a real christian does what God wants which is for us to love one another, and a real christian knows it is not our job to judge, but to spread the word of God. Is everyone out there getting this? If you are going around saying that you are a christian and then in the next breath saying oh i hate such and such i wish they would just drop dead, then you are not doing anything but pushing people farther away from God.( Please stop calling yourself a christian) I have spent a long time being afraid to call myself a christian because once you use that title you have a responsibility to everyone you come in contact with, a responsibility to be Christ like, and for a long time i was scared that i would say or do something that would give christians a bad name. I do now consider myself a christian, but that in no way means i am perfect, because trust me i absolutely am not, but i try very hard to watch what i say and how i behave, especially around people who are struggling  with their faith. Now I want everyone to read this part very carefully. no matter what you have done or what you are doing and even if every person that you think is a christian is spewing hate toward you. God loves you! and God is all that matters not the angry people who run at you throwing insults. God is always there ready to forgive anyone and everyone all you have to do is be sincere and ask. I really hope at least a few people may open their mind long enough to take some of this in. To all of the people out there claiming to be christians be careful with what you say and do, because if your actions turn someone else away from God, and it doesnt take much just a few angry words to a waitress who knows you came in with a church group, could change the way they view God, church, and religion all together, and you will be judged for that when your time comes. And to anyone who has been hurt or offended by someone who says they are a christian but promotes hate or violence. I am sorry that happened to you, please give christians another chance to show you thats not how we are and not what we are about.   

little ones lost

download (10)I lost my daughter in 2008. This poem is to all the mothers who have lost a child, i hope it will bring you some comfort.
What makes a mother? I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God today. I asked what makes a mother? And i know i heard him say. A mother has a baby this we know is true. But God can you be a mother when your baby’s not with you? Yes you can, he replied with confidence in his voice. I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice. Some i send for a lifetime, and others for a day, and some i send to feel your womb but there’s no need to stay. I just dont understand this God i want my baby to be here. He took a deep breath and cleared his throat, and then i saw a tear. I wish i could show you, what your child is doing today. If you could see your child smile with all the other children and say… we go to earth to learn our lessons, of love and life and fear. My mommy loved me oh so much i got to come straight here. I feel so lucky to have a mom, who had so much love for me. I learned my lessons very quickly my mommy set me free. I miss my mommy oh so much, but i visit her every day, and when she goes to sleep, on her pillows where i lay. I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek, and whisper in her ear, mommy dont be sad today im your baby and im near. So you see my dear sweet ones, your children are okay. Your babies are born in my home, and this is where they’ll stay. They’ll wait for you with me, until your lesson’s through. And on the day you come home, they’ll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a mother, its the feeling in your heart. its the feelings you had so much of right from the very start. Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother, until their time is done. They’ll be up here with me one day and know your the best one!

My last addiction

images (20)Hello all,
I dont think i have mentioned it in any of my other posts but i am a smoker, i have been trying to stop for many years, but i always seem to get stuck on about three a day. I have been smoking since i was 9, and at 12 my mother started buying them for me, mother of the year yawl. I am 29 now so i have been a smoker for 20 years. My husband though has never even took a puff off of a cigarette, and has been determined for the better part of 13 years to turn me into a non smoker. Just saying that seems so strange, me a non smoker. Smoking is the one thing that has not changed about me in 20 years, to me it just seems like me. I remember a few years back complaining to my mom that darrell (my husband) wouldnt stop fussing about me smoking, her response was, he isnt your daddy you dont have to listen to that. Now that i am not drunk or on dope, i cant believe she said that, what parent gets mad at someone who is trying to save their daughters life, Mother of the year strikes again. But I use to really love smoking, it brought me so much pleasure, and my cigarettes were always there for me when i needed a friend. But now every time i light one up the only feelings i have are guilt and fear. I know that i am doing something that will eventually kill me, i try to justify it sometimes but it doesnt work anymore. And images of my death bed flash into my head, or my children standing at my casket with their hearts broken all because i needed another cigarette. I know that this is going to be another thing i have to just quit, i am not a person who can taper off, or use a nicotine replacement, as i would just get addicted to that to. But that last step is proving to be the hardest. I have fought it for so long and i am tired. Tired of not eating whenever i want to because i know i will want a cigarette afterwards, tired of sneaking around so that my kids dont see it, and tired of being selfish knowing that with every drag i take i am one step closer to death. I yearn for the day when i will not be dependent on any kind of chemical. So i have to ask a favor of anyone who reads this, keep me in your prayers as i will be trying to quit again. And maybe within the next few weeks i will be rid of my last addiction, and be a non smoker again for the first time in 20 years. I also have to say thank you to my husband, he has been my rock through everything, and if it were not for him i would be lost. I love you babe, thanks for standing up for whats right and not wavering.


Baby found in dumpster

The baby in this picture is beautiful isnt he. This little guy is also incredibly lucky to be alive, because you see for some reason his 16 year old mother decided she didnt want him, but instead of giving him up for adoption, she decided it was a much better idea to throw him in a white trash bag along with umbilical cord and afterbirth, tie it up and toss him into the dumpster. Now there are so many aspects of this that break my heart. One thing is that this is so common now a days that you have barely heard a mention of this in the news, its like this stuff happens all the time so its not really news worthy. Another thing that i am furious about is that the article i read said they are trying to decide what the charges will be or if there will be any at all. Are you kidding me? It is pretty friggen obvious to me. This girl tied her baby up in a trash bag and threw him in a dumpster, where if he had not been found he would have either froze to death or suffocated. Can you imagine the fear this baby felt barely being able to breImageath, alone in the dark dumpster, so cold his little hands and feet were probably starting to go numb. And they are not sure if there will be any charges. How about attempted murder, how about you imagine someone did this to your child and then tell me what the charges should be, and How about you dont let this girl get by with this, because you are sending an obvious message to the sickos in the world that this kind of behavior is acceptable, and they will have no consequences. Where is the outrage for this baby who almost lost his life in such a cruel manner, and by the hands of his mother. My God people this is our country why are we not throwing a fit about this kind of stuff. Why are we not protecting the ones who can not protect themselves . How did we get so far gone that these things not only happen now but happen so often that most people barely bat an eye when they hear of it. I cant answer these questions so if any of you have the answers please share them with me.