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Archive for December, 2014

Overcome

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAimagesEveryone at some point in their life will have to overcome obstacles, and i am no exception. The 2 biggest things in my life that i have had to overcome are the death of my daughter and alcohol and drug addiction. When my daughter passed away i was in so much pain i wanted to give up on everything, and if it wasnt for my son needing me i would have. To lose a child is the most soul crushing experience there is, and my heart gos out to anyone else who has ever had to suffer through it. The only thing that brings me comfort is knowing that i will see my daughters beautiful face again when my time is up.  I have a very deep appreciation for my children and i am very emotional when it comes to a child or baby being mistreated, meaning if i see someone doing it i will go off on there head. (not kidding)

The second hardest thing i had to overcome was my addiction to alcohol and prescription pain killers. I have had a problem with alcohol since i was very young, i was 12 when my parents started to notice,  but they didnt care enough to try to stop me, so by the time i was 15 i had legally died twice , i was then put in AA and graduated even though i was drinking the whole time .  When  I was about 21 i developed an addiction to pain killers  after having several ovarian cysts rupture, the only time i was clean was when i was pregnant, if i wasnt pregnant i had something in my system. My rock bottom was in june of 2011. i weighed about 100 pounds, i would eat a mini bag of chips every few days, and i was drinking a half gallon of liquor plus a 12 pack every single day, and my tolerance to pills was so high that it wasnt worth buying them, i was away from my family, and about to lose them forever when Darrell asked me to come up while the kids were at his mothers, he said we would have fun so He  bought a bunch of alcohol just so i would come up. The next morning we talked about everything and he made me take a huge first step to getting clean, he made me pour all of the leftover alcohol down the sink, and i cried when i did it. After that i relapsed on july 26th of 2011, darrell married me 3 days later and i have been clean and sober ever since. so now i try to help people who have lost children or are dealing with addiction, i want everyone to know that no matter how bad things are they can always get better and there is hope.

What obstacles have you had to overcome in your life? If you feel like sharing you can do so in the comments, or if you want you can write a post about it and i will reblog it, as long as its clean.

 

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Challenge (The weirdest dream you have ever had)

my beautiful boy

my beautiful boy

images (4)The weirdest dream i ever had, was scary and sad while i was dreaming it, but now it is pretty hilarious.

When i was pregnant with our first son, i dreamt that my baby was an egg, (yes an egg),  and i kept my very special egg on a shelf where i could constantly check on it to make sure it was okay and see if it had hatched. It was my husbands birthday and i was throwing him a big birthday party, well while i was preparing his cake i realized i only had 2 eggs and i needed 3, so i was upset. My mother then came in the kitchen and said whats wrong,  i told her i couldn’t make Darrell’s cake because i only had 2 eggs, so she started to rummage through her purse and said here you can use this one. I said thank you and finished making his cake. Well the party went very well and everyone had a good time, when people started to leave i went to check on my little egg/baby and it was gone. I started freaking out and i ran in the living room to tell Darrell and my mother that it was gone, my mom spoke up and said are you talking about the egg you had on that shelf ?  I said yes have you seen it, and she said that is the egg i gave you for the cake. I started to scream and cry and ran to the kitchen where the cake was, to figure out how to get my egg/baby out of the cake, but the cake had been cooked and half eaten. I hit my knees and just starting screaming, and that is when i woke up. When i woke up i was still crying and shaking, and it still amazes me how real such a stupid dream could feel.

So my challenge for you is to tell me about your weirdest dreams,  write a post about your weirdest dream, and then either send me the link to it or leave something about it in the comments, and I will reblog it.  but keep it clean, cause if you have a potty mouth I will not be able to reblog it. Im anxious to see if anyone cant top this one, lol. 🙂


The easy way out

images (56)thThe easy way in life is getting us nowhere, but it takes away the burden of really having to care.
When the doctor gives you pills instead of fixing the problem, its the easy way out this is the wrong route.
When you get a divorce instead of trying, a part of your soul is simply dyeing .
When your child wants to talk about drugs and you say just wait, then the next day they’re gone and its to late. Feeling sad just take a pill, you wont care anymore lifes not real.
So you see the easy way out is never the solution, it only creates massive confusion.


Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays

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I hope you are all surrounded by as much love and joy as i am.
And try to remember that the holidays arent just about giving and receiving gifts, enjoy every second you have with the people you love and dont take it for granted.

Wishing all of you a very safe and Merry Christmas.


My Heart

Darrell

Darrell


For those of you who dont know, this gorgeous man is my husband and he is an amazing person.
This picture was taken about 3 1/2 years ago, we had just done a 30 mile hike and camped in a tent that was broke. I took this picture at 6:30 in the morning when we were on our way home. We were so tired, our feet hurt so bad, and he still looked amazing, while i on the other hand looked like a raccoon had slept in my hair and i had been beaten with an ugly stick, lol.
This man works 13 hours a day 4 days a week, night shift. His days off are not really days off at all, on those days he works the business that we started, and he still manages to run back and fourth to stores for me whenever i need something, and continues to put up with my zombie obsession.
Not to mention the fact that he was the only person who believed in me and loved me enough to help me get clean and sober. This man is my heart and in the past when i was using i put him through so much, anyone else would have given up and moved on, but he wouldnt quit. I know he still has fears about me going back to drugs or drinking, anybody would. I just wish there was a magical word i could say to let him know just how much i love him and that i would never ever hurt him again, but theres not so time will just have to show it.
That is one of the hardest things about recovery, its knowing with every fiber of your being that you will never go back to using, but seeing the fear and worry on your loved ones faces, because even though you know you wont do it again they dont.
But I am rambling, I just wanted to write a little something today to let my amazing husband know just how much he means to me and how much I love him.
I love you Darrell with all my heart and soul, Thankyou for being such a wonderful man .


Soul Mates

me

me

my soulmate

my soulmate

I used to think that the whole idea of soul mates was just stupid, but considering everything my husband and i have been through, overcame, and how we met each other at exactly the right moment, i am thinking maybe i was wrong.  We found each other almost 14 years ago, right when he needed an extra push to beat a serious cocaine addiction, he found me someone against drugs, in an apartment full of drug addicts, and later on He helped me overcome my addictions, where i lack he exceeds and vice versa . Seperate we are incomplete and lacking in many areas, but together we work wonderfully, and it seems that It all just  fits to perfectly to  simply be coincidence .  Do you believe in soul mates? Do you think that there is one perfect person for everyone?  Let me know what you think.


Divorce

darrell and i

darrell and i

Hello all, Im gonna ask a question and anyone who has the answer please share it with me. Okay the question is why are so many people running out to get divorced? I mean is there some kind of new club im not aware of where you can only gain membership if you have been divorced?
Now i know there are some situations where divorce is a must, like in cases of abuse, but now there are so many people ready to throw in the towel over the most stupid things, like throwing towels for example. No joke i actually new a woman who wanted a divorce because her husband kept throwing his towels on the bathroom floor.
Now the most common statement that you hear when people get divorced is, we just weren’t happy.
Well i guess they took different vows than my husband and i did, because our vows said for better or worse.
I think a big part of the problem is that most people have a very unrealistic view on what marriage is. They think after you say i do there spouse is going to always be in a great mood, always agree with them, and just generally be this little ball of sunshine. ( Anyone who is married feel free to laugh now.) Marriage is not easy, in fact it is very hard. and it seems once people realize that, they want out. Oh sure some may spend six months or even a year tying to “fix their marriage”, or at least thats what they say, but usually that just means trying to change their spouse into what you think they should be. Which doesnt work.
This is not how marriage is supposed to be though, when you get married it is supposed to be forever, not just until you feel unhappy. News flash (alert alert) nobody is happy 24/7. Marriage is hard, and sometimes stressful, but if you put in the work to make it better it is awesome. To have someone that you know without a doubt, will never leave you, even when you make a mistake or even if you act so stupid you wish you could leave yourself, you know that person will still be there and will still love you. I dont think people understand that kind of love anymore. In the old days the saying was is anything worth doing is hard, but now it would read more like this if it isn’t easy dont bother. Most people go into marriage now with it already on their mind that if they are not happy they can just get a divorce, and when you go into a marriage thinking that way you miss out on so much, because you are expecting the marriage to fail, and have already accepted it as okay, and all of this for happiness.
Its funny because i recently read an article that said that the pursuit of happiness is actually making people unhappy, and i totally agree. Everyone is expecting something huge to come along and poof you’ll be happy and they spend so much time and energy searching for that huge something that they totally miss out on all the great things that happen every day. Its true what John Lennon said ( life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.) My point in all of this is most divorces are not out of necessity but rather selfishness, and that, is very sad. If people would just stop seeking that Mythical Happiness AND truly try then many marriages and families would be saved.


Zombie survival tips

Me

Me

Zombies

Zombies

Okay the zombie apocalypse has finally happened, (just like i always knew it would) and What you do in the first 24 hours is critical. SO here is a list i put together for all the people out there who did not prepare for this.

1. Board up all windows and doors, so well that you can not even exit.

2. Cut a square big enough for you to fit through in your roof, this is a safer way to exit and re-enter because zombies cant climb.

3. Choose the strongest and fastest person to go out and scavenge water, weapons, canned food, candles, lighters, and even gather other people, but only the ones you know and relatively trust.

4. Make sure no light at all can be seen from the outside of your home.

5. You should contact everyone that you love now before phones stop working, and plan to meet in a safe and out of the way place.

6. Number six is the most important thing to remember, no matter what happens dont you git bit.

More zombie survival skills to come here shortly.


Sons of Anarchy review (spoilers)

images (55)download (28)Okay i absolutely loved The sons of Anarchy, but sadly tonight was the last episode, and i cried like a baby. Short version of what happened is he tells his kids and club goodbye, kills all the people who could cause trouble for the club, Talks to his father and says he understands everything now, Then he ends his life the same way his father did, by hitting a tractor-trailer head on. Now one weird thing they did was that the rig he ran into is the same one that took gimma to her dads house before he went and killed her. It was sad and i feel as though i just lost a friend, weird huh? I knew that he would die but i still kinda hoped in the back of my mind that maybe he would just go down to nero’s place and raise his kids right with wendy. So i dont really think it was a good or bad last episode, it was just sad. I will miss spending an hour on Tuesdays watching this awesome show.


Brownie

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How adorable is this? This is brownie,  and he is sound asleep on top of his brothers and sisters.


Christmas Traditions

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My little Dominik and Donnie went and saw Santa tonight and they loved it. Now the kids and I are watching Its a Wonderful life, which is one of our Christmas traditions that I love. Sitting in front of my beautifully lit up christmas tree, with my beautiful boys, and knowing how much I have been blessed in my life, its awesome. I hope everyone else out there is doing something special with someone that they love.


So Cute

My dog had puppies about 2 weeks ago and they are so cute. Here are some pics.
She had 6 puppies, their names are brownie, wags, whimper, bear, white tip, and smooshie. The kids and i of course are crazy about them but we definitely arent gonna be able to keep them, 8 dogs in a new house just wont work. But me and the family sure like loven on em while we’ve got em.

This is Daisy the mommy

This is Daisy the mommy

This is Draven the daddy

This is Draven the daddy


Dominik, Donnie, and the puppies

Dominik, Donnie, and the puppies

All the pups trying to snuggle up on my lap

All the pups trying to snuggle up on my lap


Figure it out people

12 Year old Tamir Rice

12 Year old Tamir Rice

I am curious about something, there has been so much up roar over the Michael Brown case and so many people expressing outrege over it, but the man had just robbed a store and then he assaulted an officer and tried to take his gun, They proved that with eye witness testimony and forensic science. Now i am sorry that a man lost his life but if you attack anybody who has a gun you will probably get shot.
What im curious about is how come there are so many protests and so much outrage for Michael Brown who actually did do something very wrong, but there hasnt been anywhere near the same amount of anger over 12 year old Tamir Rice who was shot and killed by a police officer for having a toy gun? I mean come on what is the deal? I swear i just dont understand what is going on in peoples heads anymore. Some things definitely deserve fury and anger, but i dont think anyone knows which ones do and which ones dont anymore. My thoughts and prayers go out to Tamir’s family.
Oh and it seems a lot of people dont know what the definition of murder is so i thought i would include it here. MURDER – The unlawful killing of another human being without justification or excuse.


So Nasty

My husband and I saw these at a grocery store in blacksburg and just had to get em.

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The hubby and my dad tried them but I said no way, the inside looked like duck poop and smelled worse.

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Seriously the nastiest thing I have ever smelled or seen someone eat.
Talk about bizarre foods.